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Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Could Nic Cage cover DeSean Jackson?

By Ben Rogers and Jeff "Skin" Wade
ESPNDallas.com

The Give and Go is Ben and Skin's weekly back and forth on anything from the world of sports that they feel compelled to carry on about. The word waterfalls cascading through this cyberspace are the absurd products of Ben and Skin, and only Ben and Skin. The ideas expressed in this "column" in no way represent the thoughts of anyone else even remotely related to ESPN Dallas. In fact, ESPN Dallas has no idea what to make of any of this. So uhh, oh yeah, you can hear the aural version of this insanity every weekday from 9 a.m. to noon on 103.3 FM ESPN. Here come the Internet, sucka:

Nicolas Cage, the Cowboys safety of Team Hollywood

Ben: During Sunday night's broadcast of the Cowboys game we were treated to an ad for a new Nicolas Cage movie: "Season of the Witch." It made me wonder, what ever happened to Nicolas Cage? After a super promising start to his career he seems to be stuck in some sort of terrible on-screen quicksand which clearly leaves him unable to determine what qualifies as a good script. I could've sworn he was back on track when he starred in "Captain Corelli's Wicker Book of Secrets," but I guess not. Nowadays he makes a good movie about as often as a Cowboys safety makes a good play.

Nicolas Cage
Nicolas Cage in deep thought about whether he should star in the sequel to "Valley Girl."

Skin: Whoa, "Season of the Witch?" That's the song The Pharcyde sampled on their classic debut "Ya Mama." Are you telling me Nic Cage is in a new flick about the Pharcyde? God that's great news. I hope he's playing Fatlip. Seems like there are a bunch of movies coming out about early '90s rap artists. Pretty sure I read that Val Kilmer signed on to be Treach in "Arm Me With Harmony -- The Naughty By Nature Story." Your boy Cage keeps churning out garbage because he's triple bankrupt and needs the dough. I dig the irony that his career died right after he played a dude that drank himself to death in Vegas with that chick from "Adventures in Babysitting."

Ben: Bro, you're talking about Elisabeth Shue, bro. Sorry for over- broing you, but after her stunning turbo-performance in "Palmetto" with that bartender from "Cheers" who loved to play pick-up basketball with Willie Mays Hayes, she demands the respect of being named by name here, bro. But back to that Cowboys-Eagles game, I don't think it hurts the Cowboys to play well and lose like they did. They're not going to the playoffs so they might as well get the best draft position they can. Based on their lackluster drafting of late, they could use any edge they can get in that department.

Skin: I'm back to being bored by the Cowboys again. Now that the Princeton pumpkin has answered the question that he can get these guys to play hard again, it's back to the harsh reality that they're playing for nothing. Pride? Give me a break. Try using that as a down payment on a house. "I have nothing of concrete value, can I barter with some pride?" Pride is worthless, it just gets you shot. This team was more interesting when it was getting rolled every week. It was at least comical. You're right, this team needs higher draft picks so that their misevaluations can be even more shocking.

Pony Excess

Ben: How great was it that the SMU death penalty 30 for 30 joint ran immediately after Cam Newton's Heisman acceptance speech? I thought this was one of the best ones for sure. I'm hearing some buzz that Eric Dickerson might win an Oscar for his portrayal of giant eyewear consumer and stud high school running back Marcus Dupree. Sucks for SMU that they're based in a giant media market with a massive spotlight. I highly doubt the newspaper war in Lubbock or the big-time TV sports guys in Waco or Austin had the undeniable '80s swagger it took to tear down a football powerhouse. You know all the other schools were hand-jamming the cookie jar just as hard. Did I use past tense? My bad. What were you saying, Cam?

Eric Dickerson and Craig James
Eric Dickerson models the finest in '80s eyewear with Tom Cruise impersonator Craig James.

Skin: That level of cheating even made Jackie Sherrill blush. The first ten minutes of that movie made my head spin. I initially thought it was a documentary about having too many talking heads and over-editing, but once it settled in it was a reminder of a great time. I loved the old SWC. It was so great to grow up here when SMU was getting down like that. And great casting for sure. "All The Right Moves"-era Tom Cruise as Craig James, Sam Elliot as Randy Galloway, the cast of "Cocoon" as the boosters, God as Dale Hansen -- great stuff, I really loved it.

Ben: All that awesome '80s Hansen footage made me want to grow my hair out and speak into a video camera with uncontrollable controlled swagger. I'm not sure why, but I can't change the way I feel. That program was a time capsule that took me right back to the early '80s when I first learned about swallowing Copenhagen, growing a peachfuzz mustache, Richard Crenna's hype-man abilities, hanging Sports Illustrated posters on my wall, vegemite sandwiches, Eddie Murphy and Donkey Kong. Life was much easier back then before the responsibility virus crushed my soul like a Rondo can.

Skin: Cheers to the glory days, Ben. It was a better time when tucking a plaid shirt into a pair of parachute pants seemed like a perfectly sound decision. Truth be told, Michael Carter made me care about the shot put more than any man possibly could. And I'll forever hate Hansen for taking that away from me. And making sure Grandmama wouldn't get to go to the Hilltop. Crazy to think that Dave Bliss was there during that time period and he'd do his best to trump all that a decade and a half later in Waco. Amateur athletics rules. I'm going to celebrate its sanctity by taking in some AAU hoops so I can watch John Calipari do a sell job on an 11-year old.

The age of indifference

Skin: My 3-year old just started soccer and it's amazing how he already actually cares less about the sport than most Americans who care nothing about soccer. He's almost aggressive with his apathy -- he's insta-slacker. Not sure who taught him to sit on the field with his arms folded while pouting; I'm assuming they're reading him those Little T.O. books at preschool. He uses the soccer field as his own personal forum to show everyone that he loves his Diego underwear. Is 3 to young to go all Papa Marinovich on him?

Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber's parents figured out there are better ways to early retirement than through youth sports.

Ben: Sorry, I only had time to skim whatever you were just babbling about. I was wrapping up two-a-days with my own 3-year-old future superstar. We ran late today because I had to have the old "daddy has an unstable, low-paying radio job so if you want to go to college you'll need to get a full ride somewhere" talk. By the way, I finally decided not to rename him "Tiger" -- mainly because his older brother already goes by that. I've decided to call my little guy Troy Staubachromo. I think it lets people know that he enjoys the finer things in sports and should never be benched under any circumstances. Can you take it from here? I need to go iron my coaching shorts and Facebook his future high school coaches.

Skin: Dude, you're barking up the wrong money tree. Put a Bieber wig on your squid and get him to dancing. That's where the real dough is at. I'd be shocked if Calipari wasn't one of the judges on "So You Think Your Preschooler Can Dance." I thought the whole reason we took jobs at a Disney-owned company was to get closer to the dream of financial independence via our celebrity kids. By the way, if you get in a bind Nic Cage is not a bad babysitter. He'll do it for cheap.

Ben: I'd trust him with my kids before I'd trust him with my screenplay. Then again, I'd hate for them to pick up any bad acting habits from him. It's hard being a father. It was much easier to farm good times back when I was placing a quarter on Galaga to call next and watching SMU dominate. Now I'm old, washed up and stuck celebrating Cowboys losses for improved draft position. I hope Cage can teach my kids to act like they're proud of the sad sports fan I've become.

Listen to Ben Rogers and Jeff "Skin" Wade weekdays from 9 a.m. to noon on ESPN 103.3 FM.