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Texting Roland Emmerich, texting Roland Emmerich. Have we got a script for you. Actually we have dozens of potential scripts that make your "2012" disaster film seem simplistic in comparison. What we asked for were predictions of the repercussions if the (8-9) Seattle Seahawks somehow win the Super Bowl. In many instances what we got were long descriptions of a series of global calamities set off by that improbable Super Bowl event.
• Mark S. of Everett, Wash., wrote pages about "cosmic correction" that eventually led to college football's FBS champion being determined fairly on the field of play. No offense, Mark, but that's just not going to happen.
• Michael K. of Bamberg, Germany, predicts Mexico declares itself "The World's Seahawks" and pulls off a stunning upset of the United States that forces us to make soccer our national sport and call it "football." (Oddly enough, 18 of you suggested a Seahawks victory in the Super Bowl would lead to soccer becoming our No. 1 sport, which is worrisome.)
• Todd B. of Tampa, Fla., went historical when he noticed that the last time there was an upset this unlikely was in 79 AD when a bunch of villagers beat a great team of visiting Romans -- in Pompeii just before Mount Vesuvius erupted. Are there any dormant volcanoes in Dallas?
• But the best script for Mr. Emmerich comes from Eric H. of Des Moines, Iowa, who describes how "the sun will break through the perpetual cloud cover over Seattle, causing the thousands of vampires hiding there to go mad, leading to a war eventually won by a group of humans that call themselves 'the 12th man.'"
Call us, Mr. Emmerich, 'cause we're thinking Oscar!
Meanwhile, let's get to the list:
Top 10 Repercussions If Seattle Wins the Super Bowl
10. "Dale Earnhardt Jr. wins the NASCAR title," predicts Carl B. of Modesto, Calif.
9. "After Seattle beats Baltimore in the Super Bowl, all copies of Edgar Allan Poe's 'The Raven' are changed to read: 'Quote the Seahawk, nevermore.'" predicts Bill P. of Tualatin, Ore.
8. "The NFL uses Seattle's victory as a reason to go to an 18-game schedule, hoping a 7-11 team makes the playoffs and wins the next Super Bowl to finish 11-11, achieving Perfect Parity," predicts Todd K. of Charleston, Ill.
7. "President Obama's campaign slogan for 2012 is 'Beast Mode,'" predicts Kevin S. of Seattle.
6. "The NFL freaks out and adopts a 'BCS System' for its playoffs," predicts Ryan M. of Canton, Ohio.
5. "Israelis and Iranians dine together al fresco, U.S. unemployment drops to record lows, President Obama quits smoking, Pamela Anderson gets a breast reduction, and Jenni 'JWoww' Farley wins the Nobel Peace Prize," predicts Josh T. of Melbourne, Fla.
4. "Owen Schmidt can't handle having been traded from the Seahawks to the Eagles and slams his helmet so hard that a tsunami causes a global disaster, however, thousands of survivors have the comfort of wearing 'Patriots -- Super Bowl XLV Champs!' T-shirts donated by NFLShop.com," predicts Carson B. of Frederick, Md.
3. "The NFL over-reacts and declares all future Super Bowls will be decided by fan vote, 'American Idol' style," predicts Brett K. of "Parts Unknown," N.D.
2. "Oklahoma City's Clay Bennett and Aubrey McClendon are simultaneously struck by lightning," predicts Jim G. of Seattle, who might be an ex-Sonics fan.
1. "The Cubs win the World Series," predicts Raul B. of Skokie, Ill.
Cubs win the World Series? Now that's just silly.
Before we close, it seems only fair to let the last word be said by Cpl. Danny F., U.S. Marine Corps, of Bremerton, Wash., and presently stationed in Beaufort, S.C. -- "So you ask what would happen if the Seattle Seahawks win the Super Bowl? A great victory, sir. A story for years to come about a team that was never given a chance but overcame adversity and beat the odds. This one is for the little guys!"
He's got a point.
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