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Monday, February 6, 2012
Updated: February 7, 10:51 AM ET
Tom failed again? Blame Gisele!

By Sarah Spain

Since the beginning of time, ladies have been mucking things up for their men.

Eve was the first reported offender, causing the fall of man and spoiling the innocent fun of no-pants parties for generations to come. Her meddling eventually led to Susan B. Anthony's incessant yapping about giving women the right to vote, then Gloria Steinem started harping about women's lib and, yada yada yada, you have today's woman, who is always sticking her nose in something.

If it weren't for the devious and tempting ways of women, the world's favorite politicians, musicians, actors and athletes would never falter or fail. As everyone knows, Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles, Bridgette Wilson destroyed Pete Sampras' career and if Elin Woods had just been a little more understanding, we wouldn't have had to endure two years of a title-less Tiger.

The latest man to lose his edge because of a woman? Two-time Super Bowl loser Tom Brady.

Gisele Bundchen (or should I say Yoko Bundchen?) has not only stripped Brady of his talent, now she's gone and opened up her big ol' supermodel mouth, commenting on him and the game of football! The nerve.

After the Patriots' 21-17 loss to the Giants in Sunday's Super Bowl, a heckler at Lucas Oil Stadium yelled to Bundchen, "Eli rules!" and "Eli owns your husband!" Instead of accepting her role as a wordless, thoughtless thing of beauty to be admired and evaluated, she responded.

"You [have] to catch the ball when you're supposed to catch the ball," she said quietly to a fellow Patriots wife. Then, a little louder, "My husband cannot f---ing throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can't believe they dropped the ball so many times."

First Bundchen swoops in, seduces and marries Brady. Then, she saps him of his Super Bowl-winning powers (three rings before the marriage and none since!). And, now, she's getting testy with a disrespectful fan and defending her husband after his heartbreaking second loss in the Super Bowl to the Giants in five years.

It's no wonder fans everywhere are blaming her for Brady's failed last drive, the Patriots' Super Bowl losses, the BP oil spill and eight seasons of "The Bad Girls Club." Even in moments of great disappointment, sadness and frustration, women should never be allowed to express an opinion.

Some might argue that Bundchen's outburst isn't worth getting our Body by Victoria supersoft, lace-trim, hiphugger panties in a bunch over. After all, she's just the a wife of a player reacting to a mean-spirited heckler in the charged moments after weeks of built-up stress, worry and anticipation about a game that will be used to argue about the historical importance and lifelong reputation of her husband.

One might point out that NBC broadcast analysts, football fans and even casual observers also criticized the butterfingers of a few of the Pats' receivers. They may even say that Bundchen was just talking to a friend and not holding a news conference to express her carefully crafted thoughts on the game's finish.

Never mind those enablers. They're likely the same people who argue that the Patriots have lost their past two Super Bowls because of personnel, coaching and strength of the opposition, and not because of Bundchen's shrewd, calculated dismantling of the franchise.

Well, I'm not buying it.

Next they're gonna tell me sports fans are gullible enough to read a satirical column blaming women for everything wrong with the world and actually believe it. Ha ha ha, no way, Jose.