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Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Handshakes not only unhygienic part of Olympics

Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte have more to fret about than handshakes. Like that germ-filled pool.

The London 2012 Games are fast approaching. The British Olympic Association is hoping to dominate the medal stand, so it is encouraging its athletes to stay healthy. Specifically: the BOA wants its athletes to avoid shaking people's hands.

Said BOA chief medical officer Ian McCurdie: "The greatest threat to performance is illness and possibly injury. We are talking about minimizing risk of illness. It is all about hand hygiene."

Unfortunately, shaking hands is just one way to contract disease. There are many elements of the Olympics that British officials must encourage their athletes to avoid lest they be struck down.

Opening Ceremony

In almost every virus epidemic movie, the outbreak spreads due to international travel. What is the opening ceremony but a collection of people from every corner of the globe in an enclosed space breathing each other's pathogens? Forget a stadium. The opening ceremony should be held in a huge Petri dish. Gross. Avoid!

Long Jump

Jumping into a pile of sand and dirt? No, thank you. A good way to get pinworms is by playing in dirt. Don't know what pinworms are? Google them. You'll never jump long again. Or sleep.