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Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Updated: September 11, 6:35 PM ET
USF better keep that bus movin'

By Mark Schlabach
ESPN.com

The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:

Howard Payne: "You think I wouldn't have been prepared? Two years I spent setting up that elevator job, two years I invested in it. You couldn't understand the kind of commitment that I have. You ruined a man's life's work and you think you can walk away? You got blinders on to the world! But I got your attention now, didn't I Jack?"

Jack Traven: "Why didn't you just come after me?"

Howard Payne: "No, this is about me! This is about my money. This is about money due me, which I will collect! 3.7 million dollars! It's my nest egg, Jack. At my age you have to think ahead."

Jack Traven: "When I find you..."

Howard Payne: "Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?"

-- Dennis Hopper and Keanu Reeves, "Speed"

In the 1994 movie "Speed," Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock spent most of the film's two hours trying to get off a commuter bus in Los Angeles that was rigged with a bomb.

Pop quiz, hotshots: Who wanted to get off a bus more than Reeves and Bullock?

South Florida Bulls fans.

After new coach Willie Taggart spent the summer urging USF fans to "get on the bus," its wheels came off in Saturday night's opener against FCS foe McNeese State. The Cowboys scored 40 consecutive points, causing USF fans to boo their team midway through the second quarter. The Bulls snapped the ball over the punter's head, lost a fumble at their own 5-yard line, and threw a pick-six.

During a weekend in which FCS opponents upset defending Big 12 champion Kansas State, UConn, Iowa State and San Diego State, the Bulls' 53-21 loss might have been the most embarrassing.

No. 25 Oregon State wasn't far behind, losing to Eastern Washington and earning the Beavers the coveted No. 5 spot in our rankings.

Taggart will try to right USF's bus before Saturday's road trip to Michigan State. If the Bulls can turn things around, they might work their way out of the Bottom 10. Miami (Ohio) plays at Kentucky in this week's Pillow Fight of the Week, and the loser can expect to occupy a spot next week.

With apologies to Steve Harvey and Keanu Reeves, here's the first Bottom 10 of the 2013 season:

ESPN.com's Bottom 10
RANK TEAM 2013 RECORD COMMENT
1. Southern Miss 0-1 "The Replacements": Even with new coach Todd Monken on the sideline, the not-so-Golden Eagles couldn't end the country's longest losing streak in Saturday's opener, falling for the 13th time in a row, 22-15 to Texas State at home. Southern Miss was undone by six turnovers, including four lost fumbles.
2. Akron 0-1 "The Matrix": Like Neo, Zips coach Terry Bowden has to believe he's living in a simulated world. Can't Bowden take a red pill and go back to his Auburn coaching days? The Zips lost their 10th game in a row in Thursday night's opener, 38-7 at Central Florida.
8. F_U 0-2 "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures": Here's how Carl and Ron's not-so-excellent adventures went in Week 1: FAU lost 34-6 at Miami and FIU lost 43-10 at Maryland. FAU coach Carl Pelini called for his quarterback to spike the ball on fourth down; FIU allowed 399 yards in the first half of coach Ron Turner's debut.
4. New Mexico State 0-1 "Sweet November": The Aggies probably can't wait for late November, when they'll get to play fellow Bottom 10 members Florida Atlantic and Idaho to close the regular season. New Mexico State opened the season with a 56-7 loss at Texas, which gained a school-record 715 yards of offense.
5. Oregon State 0-1 "The Day the Earth Stood Still": It might have seemed like time stopped during Oregon State's opener against FCS foe Eastern Washington, but it was actually only the OSU defense standing still. EWU gained 625 yards of offense in a stunning 49-46 victory.
6. Idaho 0-1 "My Own Private Idaho": If only new coach Paul Petrino had been able to keep Idaho's problems private. The Vandals' myriad deficiencies were exposed in a 40-6 loss at North Texas; they had 11 penalties, three turnovers and allowed 591 yards of offense.
7. Connecticut 0-1 "Much Ado About Nothing": The Huskies are starving for relevancy and didn't help themselves by losing to FCS foe Towson 33-18 at home on Thursday night. And they couldn't figure out why the ACC didn't want them. U-Can't gets an off week before playing at Maryland on Sept. 14.
8. UNLV 0-1 "Feeling Minnesota": The Rebels were probably feeling pretty confused after Thursday night's 51-23 loss at Minnesota, their 23rd road defeat in a row. The Gophers broke open a tight game in the second half with touchdowns off a 98-yard kickoff return, a 51-yard return of a blocked field goal, and an 89-yard interception return.
9. San Diego State 0-1 "The Gift": The Aztecs were a little too charitable in Saturday's opener against FCS foe Eastern Illinois. San Diego State quarterback Adam Dingwell threw four interceptions, three of which the Panthers converted into touchdowns in their 40-19 rout at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego.
10. South Florida 0-1 "The Devil's Advocate": Based on the opener, USF fans might have a hard time believing Taggart is a good football coach. But hear us out: He inherited a Western Kentucky program that went 0-12 the season before he arrived and turned it around by Year 2 to finish 7-5 in back-to-back campaigns.

Waiting list: UMass (0-1), Kansas State (0-1), New Mexico (0-1), going for two (twice) against Buffalo, Purdue (0-1), Iowa State (0-1), scoring 70 points against Elon, scoring 73 against Indiana State, scoring six points against Bowling Green, South Alabama (0-1), Hawaii (0-1), Boise State's offense, Nebraska's defense, Virginia Tech's special teams, Georgia State (0-1), Notre Dame stadium cups, Central Michigan (0-1), big brother tweets, Temple (0-1) and Miami, Ohio (0-1).