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Tuesday, September 17, 2013
'Wrecking Ball' swings into Big Ten

By Dave Wilson

WEEK: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | BYE | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:

I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was break me
Yeah, you wreck me
-- Miley Cyrus

This week, Miley celebrated a record-breaking moment, as "Wrecking Ball" -- you know, the video in which she swings around in her underpants on a ball and chain and licks a sledgehammer -- garnered more than 100 million views in just six days on VEVO, the music-video hosting site's fastest climb ever to that mark.

Meanwhile, in a decidedly different part of the country, also watched by millions of fans, the Big Ten was as exposed as Miley, swinging right into the coveted No. 5 spot in our rankings. Clearly, they've got some twerk to do.

It wasn't all bad: Ohio State rolled Cal with backup quarterback Kenny Guiton. Northwestern, Indiana, Minnesota and Michigan State won against lesser foes. And Iowa beat Iowa State! But then it had to carry this thing around.

Meanwhile, a few marquee stars had their own breakdowns.

Penn State lost to UCF, but Michigan beat Akron! Yet even in victory, Wolverines offensive lineman Taylor Lewan said the result was "truly embarrassing for Michigan."

Wisconsin suffered through a bizarre loss to Arizona State, as officials bungled the ending. But the Bottom 10 doesn't think it's speaking out of school when we say that it's time to work on that whole set-the-ball-on-the-ground-and-walk-away-and-let-a-large-man-lie-on-it thing.

And then ... Nebraska. Bo Pelini got blown out in a big game -- again. He followed that up by brushing off a Huskers legend and finished off the trifecta of turmoil when a recording surfaced in which Pelini profanely rips the "fair-weather" Huskers fans who have sold out 328 consecutive games.

"I never meant to start a war. I just wanted you to let me in."

You know what they say, Bo: Watch that potty mouth or start licking some sledgehammers.

With apologies to Steve Harvey and Billy Ray Cyrus, here's the Bottom 10:'s Bottom 10
1. Southern Miss 0-3 "We Can't Stop:" The Golden Eagles lost their 15th straight game, but gave Arkansas trouble when a player's helmet got stuck in a jersey and had to be disassembled. "Remember only God can judge ya. Forget the haters cause somebody loves ya."
2. Temple 0-3 "When I Look At You:" The Owls gave up a game-winning 29-yard touchdown pass to Fordham with 4 seconds left. A matchup looms with Bottom 10 nominee Idaho. "Everybody needs a song. A beautiful melody when the nights are long."
3. Memphis 0-2 "Can't Be Tamed:" The Tigers gave up just 224 yards of offense to Middle Tennessee, but committed 15 penalties for 145 yards and lost. "If you can understand this, we can make some magic. I'm wrong like that."
4. UMass 0-3 "The Climb:" UMass held close to K-State in the first quarter, taking a 7-6 lead and keeping the Wildcats in check. But then the floodgates opened. "Always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose."
5. Big Ten Oh and #*@! "Fly On The Wall:" Between discussions about officiating and Bo Pelini's future, we'd love to eavesdrop in this week's meetings. "A little communication, well that'll go a long way."
6. Iowa State 0-2 "Hoedown Throwdown:" The Cyclones lost to Iowa at home after falling to Northern Iowa, clinching the title as the third-best team in the state. Even worse, someone stole items from the lockers of nine visiting players. "We get to four, five, six, and you're feelin' busted. But it's not time to quit."
7. UConn 0-2 "See You Again:" At home, the Huskies lost to Towson, to former coach Randy Edsall and Maryland, and now get a visit from an angry Michigan team. "The last time I freaked out. I just kept lookin' down."
8. New Mexico State 0-3 "Party In The U.S.A.:" The Aggies are allowing 47.3 points per game, including a 56-7 blowout to Texas and a 48-21 loss to UTEP. Now, they'll head to UCLA. "Welcome to the land of fame, excess. Am I gonna fit in?"
9. Florida International 0-3 "Start All Over:" The Golden Panthers allowed 311 rushing yards to Bethune-Cookman in a 34-13 loss. At home. Now they go to Louisville. "Another chance to get burned and start all over. I'm gonna start all over."
10. Texas 1-2 "Ready, Set, Don't Go:" This is a real quote from Mack Brown this week: "If we win the Big 12 championship we'll be excited, and that's all we've got left." Texas players said Ole Miss ran the same play and they couldn't stop it. "Looks like I'm all ready to leave, with nothing left to pack."

Waiting list: South Florida (0-3), San Diego State (0-2), Pac-12 officiating, Western Michigan (0-3), Maryland's striped pants, Miami (Ohio) (0-2), Idaho (0-3), Boise State pickle juice, Western Kentucky (1-2), Georgia State (0-3), Hawaii (0-2), Texas A&M's defense, Wake Forest (1-2), the Lubbock fox.