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Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Nebraska, Pelini walk on mild side

By Mark Schlabach

WEEK: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | BYE | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:

"Some people, they like to go out dancing
And other peoples, they have to work, just watch me now!
And there's even some evil mothers
Well they're gonna tell you that everything is just dirt
Y'know that, women, never really faint
And that villains always blink their eyes, woo!
And that, y'know, children are the only ones who blush!
And that, life is just to die!
And, everyone who ever had a heart
They wouldn't turn around and break it
And anyone who ever played a part
Oh wouldn't turn around and hate it!

Sweet Jane! Whoa-oh-oh! Sweet Jane! Sweet Jane!"

-- Velvet Underground, "Sweet Jane"

While the Bottom 10 mourns the death of Lou Reed, founder of the influential 1960s band Velvet Underground, Nebraska coach Bo Pelini is probably hoping the rest of his secrets remain underground.

After the Cornhuskers lost to UCLA 41-21 on Sept. 14, someone leaked audio of Pelini trashing Nebraska fans in a profanity-laced tirade in 2011. Someone who witnessed Pelini's outburst before a postgame radio show secretly recorded it, and then waited two years to release it to Deadspin after the Bruins scored 38 consecutive points to stun the Cornhuskers.

What will Nebraska fans leak after the Cornhuskers lost at Minnesota 34-23 on Saturday, their first defeat against the Gophers since 1960? Will it be audio of Pelini singing Justin Bieber in the shower? Nebraska's performance on Saturday earns them the not-so-coveted No. 5 spot in this week's Bottom 10.

The Bottom 10 would like to congratulate New Mexico State, which finally took a walk on the wild side on Saturday, ending its 18-game losing streak with a 34-29 victory over FCS foe Abilene Christian. The Aggies nearly blew a 34-22 lead in the final minute, after the Wildcats scored a touchdown with 19 seconds left and then recovered an onside kick. Abilene Christian threw a hook-and-lateral pass and reached New Mexico State's 6-yard line on the game's final play.

Western Michigan also earned its first victory of the season, 31-30 at Massachusetts in the Pillow Fight of the Week.

With apologies to Steve Harvey and Lou Reed, here's this week's Bottom 10:'s Bottom 10
1. Southern Miss 0-7 "Run Run Run" Reed wrote the lyrics on the back of an envelope for a song that details the lives of Teenage Mary, Seasick Sarah and Margarita Passion, who spend their days running around Union Square. North Texas' Reggie Pegram, Brandin Byrd and Antoinne Jimmerson ran all over the not-so-Golden Eagles last week, scoring two touchdowns apiece in a 55-14 rout. "'Cause he had to run, run, run, run, run. Take a drag or two. Run, run, run, run, run."
2. Miami (Ohio) 0-8 "Sunday Morning" The RedHawks know the hangover from a loss all too well; they've dropped 12 games in a row going back to last season. At least they'll have two weeks to recover from a 41-16 loss at Ohio. "Sunday morning and I'm falling. I've got a feeling I don't want to know. Early dawning, Sunday morning. It's all the streets you crossed, not so long ago."
3. Georgia State 0-8 "Heroin" Velvet Underground's 1967 hit didn't endorse the drug, but overtly depicted its use and abuse. The Panthers don't endorse losing; they just seem to be addicted to it. They've dropped 12 games in a row and 17 of 18 going back to last season. "And thank God that I'm as good as dead. And thank your God that I'm not aware. And thank God that I just don't care."
4. Hawaii 0-7 "I'll Be Your Mirror" The Warriors don't need a mirror to know they're a bad football team. They only have to look at the scoreboard. They've dropped their first seven games this season, including a 35-28 loss to Colorado State last week. "I'll be your mirror. Reflect what you are, in case you don't know."
5. Nebraska 5-2 "I'm Sticking With You" The Nebraska brass might be second-guessing its decision to stick with Pelini after last week's ugly loss at Minnesota. The Cornhuskers have lost to an unranked opponent in each of the past five seasons. "I'm sticking with you. 'Cos I'm made out of glue. Anything that you might do. I'm gonna do too."
6. UConn't 0-7 "Vicious" Reed wrote the song after good friend Andy Warhol told him to write a tune about someone vicious. "Oh, you know, vicious, like I hit you with a flower." The Huskies were as vicious as a flower in last week's 62-17 loss at Central Florida, allowing 527 yards of offense. UCF scored on its first nine possessions. "Vicious. Hey, you hit me with a flower. You do it every hour. Oh, baby you're so vicious."
7. FIU 1-6 "I'm Waiting for the Man" The song is about a guy with $26 trying to score in the wrong part of town. What will $26 get you at FIU? It will probably get you a four-pack of tickets, parking, four hot dogs and unlimited drinks. Only 13,389 fans showed up for last week's 23-7 loss to Louisiana Tech. "I'm waiting for my man. Got twenty-six dollars in my hand. Up to Lexington, 125. Feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive. I'm waiting for my man."
8. Eastern Michigan 1-7 "Femme Fatale" Were the Eagles the only ones who didn't know Northern Illinois was going to throw a touchdown pass to quarterback Jordan Lynch on a trick play in last week's 59-20 loss to the Huskies? Lynch threw four touchdowns, ran for another and caught one. "Little boy, she's from the street. Before you start, you're already beat. She's going to play you for a fool, yes it's true."
9. UTEP 1-6 "Pale Blue Eyes" The song was written about a man who loves a married woman, only to later realize he was being used. Now we know how the Miners will feel when they deposit a big check for playing No. 12 Texas A&M on Saturday. "Thought of you as my mountain top. Thought of you as my peak. Thought of you as everything I've had but couldn't keep."
10. UMass 1-7 "Venus in Furs" The song was written after the book of the same title was banned from libraries. The song is about control and domination, which the Minutemen will know all too well in Saturday's game against No. 17 Northern Illinois. "Taste the whip, now plead for me. I am tired, I am weary. I could sleep for a thousand years."

Waiting list: Memphis (1-5), Temple (1-7), Kansas (2-5), Penn State's defense, Purdue (1-6), Idaho (1-7), Northwestern's bowl hopes, Kent State (2-7), Akron (2-7), Miami's whistles, Air Force (1-7), video "games" in the SEC, California (1-7), Kentucky (1-6), Missouri's collapse, Iowa State (1-6), UAB (2-5), Virginia Tech's offense, Florida Atlantic (2-6), Tulsa (2-5), New Mexico (2-5).