My week in review
From death to life, from loss to win, from political metaphor to sports cliché
The sun set on the Knicks and the Flyers. Mel Kiper predicted the 2013 NFL draft. Brittney Griner broke her wrist, Josh Beckett played golf, and I'll Have Another won the Kentucky Derby. The debate over college football came to New York City, a city that cares very little about college football but a great deal about debate. On the evidence and argument of terrible violence and graft, it was resolved by the majority that the game of college football be banned. The debate was held a short walk from where Theodore Roosevelt was born and raised. As president, Theodore Roosevelt helped prevent a ban on college football in 1905, even as the game was being condemned for its terrible violence and graft.
Dr. Phil scolded Terrell Owens for not spending more time with his children. Matt Light retired to spend more time with his children. An Arkansas mother sued the high school when her son was cut from the basketball team, saying the decision was unfair to children. Former Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino's motorcycle will be sold "as is," the 2007 Harley-Davidson FLH with custom "Hawg Wild" paint job having sustained far more than its actual value in damage. Libraries in Florida, Georgia and Wisconsin banned "Fifty Shades of Grey"; toxicology reports revealed that painter Thomas Kinkade died of a broken heart; and by the time you finish this sentence, "The Avengers" will have earned nearly $1 billion at the box office. Floyd "Money" Mayweather decisioned Miguel Cotto. On June 1 he'll enter the Clark County Detention Center, having been himself decisioned by a local judge. Justin Bieber held the Champ's belts. Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow were the big draws at a New York Jets media day. When asked, teammate Aaron Maybin said he has never intentionally Tebowed, but admitted that we've all "accidentally Tebowed." Before it adjourned, the Minnesota legislature agreed to help fund a new $975 million stadium for the Vikings. A $2 billion shortfall in state school funding was left unresolved. Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachman became a Swiss citizen. Then renounced her Swiss citizenship.
At the Kachanivska Penal Colony in Kharviv, Ukraine, Yulia Tymoshenko ended her hunger strike and agreed to go to the hospital. Germany said that until she received proper medical care, it would boycott the Euro 2012 football championships. Poland kept quiet. Tymoshenko, Ukraine's former prime minister, is serving a seven-year prison sentence for "abuse of office." After three weeks, her first meal was juice, and her white tiger gave birth to cubs. Terrelle Pryor said he took money for his family; Mo Rivera has a blood clot; and the United States men's regu of the International Seepaaktakraw Federation is ranked 11th in the world. American Taylor Phinney led the Giro d'Italia.
The Roger Clemens trial gave no sign of ending, the Jerry Sandusky trial gave no sign of beginning, and London Olympic stories are now appearing in great numbers. The Capitals took the Rangers to Game 7. Asked about their power play, Rangers coach John Tortorella said "it sucked," and it was generally agreed in the press box that if Tortorella didn't exist, hockey writers would have only hockey to write about.
President Obama used a sports analogy to describe Vice President Biden's surprise endorsement of same-sex marriage, perhaps incorrectly. "He probably got out a little bit over his skis, but out of generosity and spirit," Mr. Obama said when asked whether Mr. Biden had "jumped the gun" by going first a few days earlier.
While "jump the gun" is the correct expression for prematurity, to get out "over his skis" would be a compliment to any ski jumper, implying a long, successful flight downhill. "Would I have preferred to have done this in my own way, in my own terms, without, I think, there being a lot of notice to everybody? Sure. But all's well that ends well," the president said in the same interview.
"All's Well That Ends Well" is now considered one of Shakespeare's "problem plays."
Patrick Kane was disabled, Kobe got sick, Abe Lincoln invented Facebook, and Tom Brady arrived on the red carpet looking as if someone had held him down and cut his hair. "Fortuna Dusseldorf" may be the greatest drag name in history. There were winners and losers everywhere. Chelsea won the FA Cup, and said goodbye to one of its most avid fans, hairdresser Vidal Sassoon, who died last week at the age of 84. Former New York Giants receiver Stacy Robinson died, too. He was 50 years old. Maurice Sendak died, and people said goodbye to Junior Seau and Fuzzy Levane, Carl Beane and Adam Yauch. Every Met walked to the plate with MCA, and the wild rumpus went on. Bryce Harper arrived. Josh Hamilton reappeared. Claire Lomas finished the London marathon 16 days after she began. The moon came very close to the earth, and some people said it was the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen.
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