"Miley, listen up; I got some advice for you. First of all, avoid Hugh Hefner." Getty Images

Tuesdays at this site mean many things, one of which is Sporting Equivalency. We take a member of "popular culture" (usually one celebrating a birthday) and liken them to athletic figures. We've tackled two kings of Hollywood , and now it's time for a queen. Right now: Cher's Sporting Equivalency. (It's her birthday today!)

Cher's MLB Equivalent: Chipper Jones

For Cher, you need someone who's been around for a long time. In terms of wealth and relationships, Jeter seemed an apt comparison, but 1996 didn't seem long enough; Cher's been at least semi-relevant since 1962. We also thought about Ken Griffey Jr, with the peg being that as he nears 600 HR he's essentially an afterthought, but this whole "Cher at Caesar's Palace" thing is putting her right back in the spotlight. Ah ha! Chipper Jones! Been around FOR-EVER (1993), people wanted to leave him for dead two years ago (Cher's "Farewell Tour" ended in 2005, but now she's back!) and this season, he's batting .410 with 11 HR in mid-May. That's like landing 200 dates at Caesar's. Well, kinda.

Cher's NBA Equivalent: Jason Kidd

Again, been around forever (1995). He's a nine-time All-Star and a six-time All-NBA selection (six times All-Defensive Team too), so his "legacy numbers" are somewhat equivalent to Cher. Both are marked by a personal relationship that ultimately declined, although charges leveled against Kidd by his ex seem more serious than anything Sonny ever said about Cher; both were in new relationships in a ridiculously short amount of time. And honestly, if Jason Kidd was an entertainer and not a basketball player, doesn't he seem like the type of dude who would work Vegas?

Cher's NFL Equivalent: Bill Belichick

Ha. What? Bear with us. There's this and then there's this. Makes perfect sense to us.

Cher's NHL Equivalent: Sean Avery

Can we just rattle off Cher's reported conquests? David Geffen, Gene Simmons, Garreth Crawford, Tom Cruise, Eric Stoltz, Val Kilmer, Matt Dillon, John Heard, Rob Duguay, Ricky Martin and Ray Liotta (and that's NOT counting her actual marriages). Unreal. (Is she ahead of Janice Dickinson? We're not sure). Avery so far in his career? Elisha, Rachel Hunter, Charlotte Ronson, potentially Barbara Bush , Spitzer's call girl and likely a ridiculous amount of women in New York you've never met. Cher's not a thug (or a pest, depending on how you view Avery), so we are linking them purely on superficial romantic means. But honestly, isn't that part of how the world works?