Rick Reilly's new column addresses the concept of fame in sports (someone once thought he wrote Tuesdays with Morrie). None of us over here are famous—famous for inputting Reilly columns, maybe—but still, we've got People.Com bookmarked like any red-blooded American males. We know fame. We know sports. We know how they intersect. Here's what we've noticed.
THINK YOU'RE FAMOUS IN SPORTS? HMMM. DO YOU MEET THESE CRITERIA?
Got another idea, by the way? Holla at us: firstname.lastname@example.org.
(1) You're known by one name.
(2) When you do sit-up's outside, people roll tape. And mic it.
(3) Chris Berman gives you a middle name.
(4) You're more famous if you object to said middle name (Pete "Raise Your Hand if You're" Shourek) and you tell him to stop and he says "okay."
(5) Harry Caray could pronounce your name right. (He once mis-pronounced Sosa in an MVP year, bless him.)
(6) You make a comment on politics and people notice.
(7) When you get arrested, it's the top item on SportsCenter.
(8) You refuse to talk to the media, and that's a big story.
(9) A political candidate wants to be seen playing catch with you.
(10) Or you get invited to the State of the Union.
(11) You have a bust in center field in Yankee Stadium.
(12) It costs more than ten bucks to get into a Celeb Golf Tourney you're playing in.
(13) And someone is willing to risk their life standing near a fairway to see you play.
(14) You have a yacht and are scared of water. (*That's what we call a "bonus link." *)
(15) You have invented a sporting food.
(16) And your car has a name.
(17) People start taking lots of pictures of your wife (instead of cutting her out of photographs).
(18) You're given free stuff, but still spend more money.
(19) You get moved to the best table. (*BONUS LINK! *)
(20) You don't know your own cell phone number.
(21) Your wardrobe starts resembling that of a mannequin.
(22) You pretend like you've never heard of reality TV stars. Wait…
(23) You've got more gardeners than friends.
(24) If you chug Jack Daniels, somebody has a record day of clicks.
(25) If you call someone a wanker, Brits instinctively know of whom you speak.
(26) They named a disease after you.
(27) Or a surgery.
(28) Or a candy bar. (Just kidding! It's really named after Grover Cleveland's daughter!)
(29) When a silhouette of you jumping has social currency.
(30) If Joe Buck thinks your end zone dance is a devastating blow to culture.
(31) If you can endorse Subway and Snickers at the same time and nobody says anything.
(32) When people can use more than twenty of your personal sayings.