Too Short For A Column


That's what I shrieked—doubled over in pain—when I heard about Patricia Demauro, a New Jersey grandmother, who rolled 154 straight times at an Atlantic City craps table without losing, breaking the known record for lucky.

She rolled four hours and 18 minutes without sevening out. I nearly wept. Craps is the only game I play at the casinos. The longest I've ever had somebody roll is 20 minutes, tops. Usually, they have crapped out before my free beer comes.

One hundred and fifty-four rolls! Demauro won't say how much she made, but gambling experts think she could hardly have kept from winning into six figures. Working it out with my meager math skills, if I'd have been there at her table at the Borgata that night, making my usual bet—$10 on the pass line, $25 behind it at odds, $12 on the six, $12 on the eight and the occasional "yo" bets—I'd have made enough to never need a free beer the rest of my life.

And, just as you'd guess, Mrs. Demauro had played craps just once before. (Sound of me slapping my forehead). She was there to play the penny slots. (Sound of me grinding my teeth.) She was only talked into trying it by a friend. "I really don't even know how to play the game," she told a woman at the table.

Isn't that cute?

(Sound of me pulling final few hairs out of skull.)