Over the hill and through the hoop
In case you were too busy perfecting your cranberry-can pouring skills (just me?) and missed out on sports, we've got you covered. Here's everything you missed last night.
Despite a torn Achilles tendon that has kept him sidelined since April and that whole being over the hill thing, Kobe Bryant signed a two-year contract extension on Monday with the Lakers worth a cool $48.5 million. Or roughly 70 times what you'll make in your lifetime. The mega-deal, under which Kobe accounts for more than a third of the Lakers' 2014-15 salary cap and makes him the highest-paid player in the league -- all but guarantees the future Hall of Famer will end his career in Los Angeles. It also, of course, resulted in the Twitter-verse sharing its opinion on a man old enough to have been on an episode of "All That" during his professional career taking up such a large chunk of the team's finances. Kobe being the lovable and affable guy he is, instantly retorted with some condescending subtweets.
The cap rules players have to be "selfless" on To "help" BILLIONAIRE owners R the same cap rules the owners LOCKED US out to put in #think— Kobe Bryant (@kobebryant) November 27, 2013
Ohhhh, snap! You got served, totally nameless guy sitting in your mom's basement! Besides, do Lakers fans really want another superstar playing with Kobe? It worked out so well with that Dwight guy after all.
Boxing legend, Phil Collins enthusiast and facial tattoo pioneer Mike Tyson stopped by "Jimmy Kimmel Live" on Tuesday night to share his keen observational skills with some thoughts, er, one thought, on Black Friday.
Home for the holidays
The Miami Heat will be on the road for Thanksgiving this year with a game in Cleveland on Wednesday night and a game in Toronto on Friday. While this is sad news for the wives and children of the Heat players, I think the next paycheck will probably make it seem a little better. Luckily for the players themselves, LeBron James has offered to host the team at his Akron, Ohio, home on Thursday for the holiday. Um, with all respect to my aunt who makes a fine mashed potato, HOW DO I SIGN UP FOR THANKSGIVING AT LEBRON'S HOUSE? Seriously, what time will you be expecting me, Bron? I'll bring the rolls! And, while LeBron might feel extra welcome in his hometown this year, his teammates might feel slightly awkward when they roll into town and see this billboard.
The promotion, paid for by a group of Cleveland Cavaliers fans who've created the "Come Home LeBron" campaign, is just the latest in the ongoing efforts to persuade King James to return to the team he famously scorned. The group will be handing out T-shirts before tonight's game at Quicken Loans Arena. While I applaud the dedication to the cause, it seems a little too crazy ex-boyfriend to me. Didn't these dudes ever read "He's Just Not That Into You"? Maybe someone should bring them a copy tonight.
Eat, drink and be Merryman
Move over, Marcus Smart! There's a new buzzer-beater king in town, and this shot actually, you know, meant something to the game's outcome. Down one point against Marian University, festive-sounding Shane Merryman of Huntington University threw up a desperation shot from wayyyyy behind the half-court line as time expired and… it somehow found its way into the basket! It's a two-days-before-Thanksgiving miracle!
If that doesn't moment doesn't make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, it's probably time for you to stop spending time on a sports website.
Olympic gold medal-winning figure skater Sarah Hughes posted this video yesterday of an unnamed skater practicing the craziest trick ever. I've watched it at least 45 times and am still amazed. And not just because I can't make it around an ice rink without holding the wall.
See something worthy of inclusion on social media? Send it my way on Twitter, @darcymaine_espn.