Matters of heart and home

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We can only guess how many marriage proposals Alex Morgan has received, but on Monday she finally decided to accept one.

In case you were too busy hating yourself for watching the Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt special on E! and missed out on sports, we’ve got you covered. Here’s everything you missed last night.

Crying eyes

If you’re wondering about that strange sound you heard last night, it was undoubtedly the hysterical crying of millions of men upon hearing the news of U.S. soccer star Alex Morgan’s engagement. Sorry to break the news to you if you hadn’t already heard, fellas. Now get yourselves some tissues, ice cream and a Lifetime movie and pull it together.

Morgan’s longtime boyfriend Servando Carrasco of the Houston Dynamo popped the question Monday night, and she promptly posted pictures of the ring and the celebration on Twitter and Instagram, just to pour salt into your wounds.

What this means for Morgan’s celebrated social media usage and legendary Halloween antics with BFF Sydney Leroux is unclear. We can at least guarantee there will be one more memorable made-for-Instagram event because Leroux announced she was planning the bachelorette party before Morgan even publicly announced her pending nuptials.

And for all the guys out there who cried themselves to sleep last night and are walking around in a daze today, cheer up! It’s not like you had any chance whatsoever with her anyway.

Second string?

While Heidi and Spencer continued their post-“Hills,” “please love us again” tour, their former co-star and frenemy Kristin Cavallari was most likely giving some major side-eye to Bears backup-turned-star Josh McCown during “Monday Night Football.” McCown replaced Cavallari’s husband, Jay Cutler, at quarterback last month after an ankle sprain forced Cutler to the sidelines. And after McCown’s incredible surge, Cutler is probably wondering if he needs some of Spencer’s magical crystals to regain his starting job. McCown led the Bears to a 45-28 trouncing of the Dallas Cowboys with a career-high four touchdown passes and 348 yards.

The overnight sensation even flipped his way into the end zone for a rushing TD, much to the delight of Chicago fans and R. Kelly enthusiasts everywhere. The crew over at Guyism.com had my favorite rendition.


hilarious by dm_520cd98243c9e

While Bears (and Eagles) fans everywhere were certainly thrilled with the team’s prime-time win, Cowboys fans did not share such emotion. It was so horrific even Cowboys legend Emmitt Smith had to stop watching.

An unsmiley face? Now you KNOW it just got real.

A warm welcome

After joining his third team in the past 12 months, forward Rudy Gay probably was feeling a little unwanted Monday when he arrived in Sacramento to join his new squad. Just hours removed from the Toronto Raptors and Sacramento Kings’ seven-player deal that brought Gay to the West Coast, he was greeted by the Sleep Train Arena crowd with a standing ovation when he walked toward the court during the fourth quarter of a game against the Dallas Mavericks.

Awwww, feel better now, Rudy? By the looks of it, he does … not. Maybe he’s just tired or absolutely terrified at the thought of playing with DeMarcus Cousins. And while I’m sure they’re lovely individuals, I think it’s safe to say the warm welcome wasn’t aimed at fellow new acquisitions Aaron Gray and Quincy Acy. But they were also there and I’m sure the fans will be delighted at their cheering skills on the bench.

Up, down and all around

If you thought the seesaw was lame as a kid, then this clip will make you rethink your entire childhood and what could have been. Cirque du Soleil acrobat David Rimmer and a one-named friend called Steph go hard on the playground staple in this jaw-dropping clip.

Step aside

The NBA’s favorite up-and-coming superstar has a new Foot Locker commercial. Oh, and Chris Paul and Blake Griffin are in it, too. Take it away, Lil Chris!

See something worthy of inclusion on social media? Send it my way on Twitter, @darcymaine_espn.

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