Buzz That Was: Five-Star Rating

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Portland's Damian Lillard will be one busy man next weekend at the NBA's All-Star festivities.

In case you were too busy trying to say goodbye to Jay Leno -- for the second time -- through your tears and missed out on sports, we've got you covered. Here's everything you missed last night.

A busy weekend

Portland Trail Blazers star Damian Lillard announced on Thursday that he will participate in five events at next week's NBA All-Star festivities. The reigning Rookie of the Year will play in the Rising Stars Challenge on Friday night, compete in the Skills Challenge, 3-point contest and the marquee dunk contest on Saturday, and round out the weekend by playing in the actual All-Star Game on Sunday. Considering I got tired just writing that last sentence, I can only imagine how he'll feel when it's all over.

The dunk contest, which actually features players you've heard of this year, looks to be the most competitive in some time with All-Stars Paul George and John Wall also bringing their creative talents to the event. While George could probably just recreate his epic slam from last month and take home the trophy, let's still all say a prayer to the hoop gods for dunks featuring cars, choirs, cupcakes and Kevin Hart.

Captain obvious

New York Knicks coach Mike Woodson went on ESPN New York's "The Stephen A. Smith and Ryan Ruocco Show" on Thursday and proclaimed the season "kind of a disaster." Prompting every single person who has ever watched a basketball game to shout, "OH, YOU THINK?" or to find the nearest Nicholas Cage meme.

On the plus side for Knicks fans, La La Anthony -- wife of Carmelo -- is a No. 1 New York Times best-selling author. I know this because Kelly Rowland posted a picture on her Instagram account. Yes, this entire paragraph is a true story.

Huh?

In "you really couldn't make this stuff up news," Russian girl group t.A.T.u. was chosen to perform at the opening ceremony for the Sochi Olympics on Friday. You remember t.A.T.u. -- the flash-in-the-pan pop singers of "All the Things She Said" and caps-lock challenged, teenage Russian fake lesbians -- don't you? Russia's decision to use the most famous fake lesbians of our time is a head-scratcher considering, you know, its staunch anti-gay laws. I think we can just consider Vladimir Putin the ultimate Internet troll at this point.

Julia Volkova, one of the members of t.A.T.u., posted this picture while rehearsing for Friday's festivities. Per Google Translate, she is either saying, "And so we too can" or "PLEASE HELP ME GET OUT OF RUSSIA!"

That's all it's worth?

A Gonzaga student nailed a halfcourt shot at halftime of a recent game. For her incredible feat, she earned a cash prize of $1,500. Or, in college terms, two required text books and a half-pizza, no toppings.

Really, Gonzaga? Only $1,500? I know times are tough but, geesh, couldn't you at least spring for her meal plan?

You're so mean

Philadelphia sports fans are known for being obnoxious loudmouths, mostly because they booed Santa Claus 40-plus years ago. That reputation has seemingly become so engrained in sports fans everywhere that Philly fans might not even need to do anything to earn it anymore. During Thursday night's Colorado Avalanche-Philadelphia Flyers game, one visiting fan messaged his feelings while reportedly having no interaction with the Philly fans around him whatsoever.

Despite those reports, the Philly fans must have done something so bad to this man that it resulted in him needing to use size-300 text.

Been there!

NBC Sports everyman Bob Costas had some poignant words of advice for Jay Leno. And it's remarkably similar to what you might tell you friend after he or she realized they couldn't live off the $1,500 check they made from a halfcourt shot. Bob Costas really is just like us!

See something worthy of inclusion on social media? Send it my way on Twitter, @darcymaine_espn.

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