Snark Attack: The Oscars!
This is Snark Attack -- a look at the funniest, smartest and snarkiest tweets from the events that matter most to us fans. In this edition, the Twitterverse takes on Hollywood's biggest night, the 86th Academy Awards.
"Gravity" may have grabbed the most statues at Sunday's Oscars, but the night's biggest winner was Twitter. Several times during the broadcast host Ellen Degeneres broke out her phone to post selfies to the social media site (including one that broke the record for most retweeted tweet of all time) and Cate Blanchett dropped a "#SuckIt" during her acceptance speech for best actress.
With Twitter acting as a second screen to more than a million viewers, it seems only fitting to document the night's highs (Spike Jonze, probs) and lows (several scatterbrained montages) via the best tweets of the night, running diary-style. Here we go ...
7:30 p.m. CT: After hours of red carpet coverage, the show is finally starting! Here comes host Ellen Degeneres, decked out in a velvet tuxedo jacket, navy with a hint of sparkle. She gets right into the monologue, taking a dig at Liza Minnelli and poking fun at Jennifer Lawrence for her trip last year (and another trip before Sunday's show).
Ellen even mentions Jonah Hill's very famous prosthetic in "The Wolf Of Wall Street."
Ellen on Jonah Hill in "Wolf of Wall Street": "You showed me something in that film I haven't seen in a long time." #Oscars pic.twitter.com/C9U5NOtGap- @anglophenia March 2, 2014
The next victims? The roomful of actors and actresses.
"The most important thing in life," said Ellen, "is love and friendship and family, and if people don't have those things, well then, they usually get into show business so ... "
Ellen: "Between all of nominees, they've made over 1400 films and gone to a total of 6 years of college. I'm kidding. Kids, stay in school." pic.twitter.com/C9U5NOtGap- @WonderwallMSN March 2, 2014
Isnt it good to see movie stars get a little well deserved attention once a year?! pic.twitter.com/C9U5NOtGap- @billmaher March 2, 2014
7:42 p.m. CT: The first award of the night goes to Jared Leto, who wins Best Supporting Actor for his role in "Dallas Buyers Club." His moving speech gets almost as much attention as his flowing locks.
Via @YourAnonNews "pic.twitter.com/pJoBQQH4Gy"pic.twitter.com/C9U5NOtGap- @ThatKevinSmith March 2, 2014
7:50 p.m. CT: Ellen tweets a (blurry) selfie looking out at the crowd.
A very pregnant Kerry Washington, beaming in a strapless, eggplant Jason Wu dress, introduces Pharrell Williams for a live performance of his contagious hit song "Happy," one of four songs nominated for Best Original Song. He's wearing a black version of the Arby's/Canadian mounty/Smokey the Bear Vivienne Westwood hat that he made famous at the Grammys.
Pharrell creates GIFs galore by getting some of the ladies in the front row to dance along...
7:50 p.m. CT: "The Great Gatsby" wins for Best Costume Design, "Dallas Buyers Club" earns Best Makeup And Hairstyling and "Mr Hublot" goes home with Best Animated Short Film honors.
8:15 p.m. CT: Matthew McConaughey and Kim Novak present the award for Best Animated Feature to "Frozen." The 81-year-old Novak, who looks to have had some work done, hears it from the Statlers and Waldorfs in the Twitter balcony.
8:21 p.m. CT: Emma Watson and the swoon-worthy Joseph Gordon-Levitt announce "Gravity" as the winner for Best Visual Effects.
The youth movement continues, with Zac Efron taking the stage to introduce Karen O (of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs) and Ezra Koenig (of Vampire Weekend) performing nominated original tune "Moon Song." The performance is understated and beautifully done (though perhaps not scientifically accurate). The same can't be said for Efron's introduction of it.
8:36 p.m. CT: Ellen walks the aisles of the theater, asking celebs if they're interested in ordering a pizza. Duh. They've already squeezed into the dresses and walked the red carpet, now they can let that burrito belly hang. Bring on the pizza!
While they wait for the pies to arrive, several more awards are given out, including "Great Beauty" taking Best Foreign Language Film honors and "20 Feet From Stardom" winning Best Documentary Feature.
8:54 p.m. CT: Ellen introduces Brad Pitt, who, in turn, introduces U2 to sing their nominated tune "Ordinary Love." Before the show the band got "Cumberbombed."
9:03 p.m. CT: The hostess with the mostest is back in the crowd with the celebs taking selfies (she's been posting with an iPhone backstage and a Samsung in the crowd, so these bits smell a little like sponsored Samsung tie-ins). She says she wants to break the record for most retweeted tweet, so she gathers as many big stars together as she can (and Lupita Nyong'o's brother sneaks in, too).
Ellen gets her wish; in just over 30 minutes the tweet breaks President Obama's record for most retweeted tweet and now has more than two million RTs and growing.
9:06 p.m. CT: Gene pool lottery winners Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron present "Gravity" with both Best Sound Mixing and Best Sound Editing.
9:11 p.m. CT: Lupita Nyong'o, radiant in what she calls a "Nairobi blue" custom Prada gown, wins Best Supporting Actress for her role in "12 Years A Slave." She's genuine, humble and inspiring in accepting the Oscar for her very first movie role.
"When I look down at this golden statue, may it remind me and every little child that no matter where you're from, your dreams are valid. Thank you."
9:11 p.m. CT: An actual pizza guy from Big Mamas and Papas Pizza strolls onstage with Ellen and helps distribute slices to hungry celebs who likely haven't had a carb in months.
9:26 p.m. CT: "Baby, you look like 146 million domestic," says Bill Murray to fellow presenter Amy Adams before they hand off the Best Cinematography award to "Gravity." While announcing the nominees Murray adds a little tribute to Harold Ramis, the legendary director, screenwriter and actor who passed away just last week.
9:29 p.m. CT: "Gravity" wins its fifth Academy Award of the night for Best Editing.
9:32 p.m. CT: Whoopi Goldberg, wearing black-and-white striped socks and ruby slippers under her floor-length lown, introduces a "Wizard Of Oz" 75th anniversary tribute, noting that Judy Garland's three children, Liza Minnelli, Lorna Luft and Joey Luft, are all in attendance. Pink sings a gorgeous version of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" in a sparkly red show-stopping gown, with scenes from the film playing behind her.
9:43 p.m. CT: Ellen comes back from commercial dressed as Glinda the Good Witch. She realizes she's too late for the "Wizard of Oz" segment so she tosses to Benedict Cumberbatch and Jennifer Garner, who award "The Great Gatsby" with Best Production Design.
A mostly pointless, almost completely dude-filled montage of "heroes" is next. Even "God" noticed the hypermasculinity of this segment ...
9:52 p.m. CT: Glenn Close introduces the "In Memoriam" segment, which is immediately followed by Bette Midler's live performance of "Wind Beneath My Wings." This Rob Lowe tweet from 2012 starts to make the rounds again ...
9:52 p.m. CT: More music coming up, but first John Travolta has to amaze us with his latest "hair" "color" and completely butcher his introduction of Idina Menzel, who's out to sing nominated song "Let It Go."
9:52 p.m. CT: "Gravity" wins again, this time for Best Original Score. "Let It Go," or, as John Travolta would call it, "Cheese Drum Milkman," wins for Best Original Song.
10:23 p.m. CT: Ellen badgers celebs in the front rows into throwing some money in Pharrell's hat to pay for the pizza.
10:27 p.m. CT: The big awards are coming fast and furious now. Robert De Niro and Penelope Cruz give "12 Years A Slave" the award for Best Adapted Screenplay and Spike Jonze wins Best Original Screenplay for "Her."
10:32 p.m. CT: Angelina Jolie and the legendary Sidney Poitier present Alfonso Cuaron with the Best Director award for his work on "Gravity."
The parade of big-name stars continues, as Daniel Day-Lewis takes the stage to present the Best Actress category. Cate Blanchett is the winner for her role in "Blue Jasmine." She playfully thanks each of her fellow nominees.
"Sandra, I could watch that performance until the end of time. I sort of felt like I had." - Cate Blanchett- Vulture (@vulture) March 3, 2014
10:48 p.m. CT: Jennifer Lawrence takes the stage, managing to walk all the way to the microphone without falling or seriously injuring herself or others. She presents Matthew McConaughey with the Best Actor award for his role in "Dallas Buyers Club."
And one point McConaughey says "To my hero, that's who I chase: It's me in 10 years. ... Every day, every week, every month and every year of my life, my hero's always 10 years away. I'm not going to be my hero, I'm not gonna attain that, I know I'm not and that's just fine with me 'cause it keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing."
10:55 p.m. CT: Will Smith is on stage to bring us on home with the Best Picture award. "12 Years A Slave" wins the big one, with Brad Pitt speaking first, then handing off the mike to director Steve McQueen.
11 p.m. CT: Ellen closes things out right, sending the stars on their way to hit up the big after parties. Judging from this tweet, she's ready to celebrate another successful year hosting, as well ...