Buzz That Was: The Right Stuff

AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi

Carli Lloyd was applauded for her resourcefulness as well as her footwork in the United States' 3-0 win over China.

In case you were too busy wondering what Stephen Colbert's real personality is like and missed out on sports, we've got you covered. Here's everything you missed last night.

'Beckham does it all the time'

Days after the dismissal of Tom Sermanni as head coach, the U.S. women's soccer team remained focused and dominated China 3-0 in Jill Ellis' debut as interim coach. But the night truly belonged to Carli Lloyd. After scoring two goals in a three-minute span of the first half, the midfielder immediately set her sights on the hat trick. Attempting to head the ball into the goal, Lloyd collided with Chinese defender Zhang Rui and needed medical attention for a bloody nose. She returned to the field moments later.

Clearly a fan of the Amanda Bynes classic "She's the Man," Lloyd was able to stop her nose from bleeding thanks to...

And there officially go all the male readers of this column. Have a good day, gents.

While he didn't publicly comment on Lloyd's medical savvy, one can only imagine Kobe Bryant -- in the crowd with his wife and daughters -- applauded her will to win. And might even send her a Batman-style mask to use next time.

A bit of an exaggeration

The Golden State Warriors set out to clinch a playoff berth on Thursday against the Denver Nuggets. Alas, it was not meant to be as Timofey Mozgov had other plans. And as we all know, it's Mozgov's world and the rest of us are just living in it. Matching his career high with 23 points and setting a career record with 29 rebounds, the Nuggets center helped his team rally from a 20-point deficit in the first half and secure a 100-99 victory. While his numbers are impressive, they weren't quite as nutty as this graphic made them out to be.

So, 93 points on 15 shots AND he scored all but seven of the Nuggets points? Please head to Twitter for the obligatory Mozgov-Wilt Chamberlain Photoshop images.

Give it a shot

After winning the national championship, Stefanie Dolson now famously reminded President Barack Obama to start practicing his dance moves and then shouted out Jimmy Fallon with a "hit me up!" Not only did the impromptu speech make Dolson a viral star, it also got the attention of Fallon himself. He did indeed hit Dolson up to come on "The Tonight Show" to play a game of one-on-one.

So that worked out pretty well. Um, Arsenio Hall? Hit me up? It's worth a shot, right?

Dirty player?

The Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees renewed their rivalry for the first time in 2014 on Thursday. And in the least surprising news since Stephen Colbert was named David Letterman's replacement, the game was filled with more drama than an episode of "Scandal." Yankees pitcher Michael Pineda led the team to a 4-1 victory in the Bronx but his heroics were overshadowed thanks to a dark substance clearly seen on his pitching hand.

He claimed it was dirt; others claimed it was pine tar; even more made the obvious PINE-da joke. Groan. Not even Jacoby Ellsbury's debut against his former team could quiet the rampant speculation. While the use of pine tar is illegal, it was not addressed by the umpires during the game. So, nothing to see here people, move along.

The teams play another 18 times this season, so I'm sure there will enough dramatic storylines to start a soap opera before this year is over.

Class act

LSU football coach Les Miles attended a history class at the University of Texas on Thursday. IS MILES LOOKING TO JOIN THE TEXAS COACHING STAFF? HAS HE SECRETLY BEEN A LONGHORNS FAN ALL ALONG? IS BURNT ORANGE HIS FAVORITE COLOR? DOES HE JUST REALLY, REALLY LIKE HISTORY? I honestly have no idea and will allow you to come to your own conclusion.

Oh what a knight

After treating 70 Toronto Raptors fans to tickets for Wednesday night's game against the Philadelphia 76ers, Amir Johnson took them to dinner at Medieval Times on Thursday. His generosity was rewarded when he was knighted by someone dressed as a king, the highest honor one can receive at a Middle Ages-themed chain restaurant.

Note: You are not required to address him as "Sir Amir" going forward, but if you do, please film it and send it to me ASAP.

He wears scarves from time to time

In today's edition of "athletes fooling fans by disguising themselves with a single pair of glasses," Bryce Harper attended the Gatorade Fierce Collective sneak peek at the MLB Fan Cave, which featured his own artwork. Tasked with asking fans what they thought about the pieces, Harper was apparently unrecognizable to people claiming to be Harper fans, thanks to his thick-rimmed eyewear.

Hey America, now that EVERY ATHLETE EVER is doing this, it might be a good time to brush up on athlete faces. Feel free to draw glasses on their pictures if that will help you.

See something worthy of inclusion on social media or just want to comment on one of today's stories? Send it my way on Twitter, @darcymaine_espn.

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