Buzz That Was: Biting satire
In case you were too busy falling asleep during a Vogue interview and missed out on sports, we've got you covered. Here's what everyone else was talking about last night.
We're still biting
Uruguay beat Italy 1-0 on Tuesday to advance to the knockout stage at the World Cup. Diego Godín scored the winner on an impressive header, but the game was defined by one biting moment. During the 79th minute, Uruguay's Luis Suarez got his Mike Tyson on -- again -- and appeared to bite Giorgio Chiellini, leaving visible teeth marks on his shoulder.
Suarez already has been punished twice for biting opponents, and FIFA is investigating Tuesday's incident and he could be banned for the rest of the tournament and blah, blah, blah. This is a serious story with potentially far-reaching consequences for the Uruguayan team, but I really don't want to waste any more time before getting to the Internet's greatest work documenting the event.
Even Evander Holyfield, who knows a little bit about the subject, weighed in on Twitter.
I guess any part of the body is up for eating.- Evander Holyfield (@holyfield) June 24, 2014
And while Suarez's chomp may not have been great for Chiellini, it was clearly great for the Internet and for 167 physic people who bet that the Uruguayan star would bite someone during the World Cup. A Malta-based online gambling firm gave 175-to-1 odds on it.
What are the odds!? http://t.co/TQhfrYLjq8- Who Ate All The Pies (@waatpies) June 24, 2014
One man reportedly made more than $3,000 on the bet. Not too shabby. No word on if he'll be sending a portion of it to the seemingly always-hungry Suarez. I think he could really use some money for food that, you know, isn't a living person.
'No whining on the yacht'
How old is Tim Duncan? So old that even David Letterman made fun of him when the San Antonio Spurs star paid him a visit Tuesday night. Both legends are nearing retirement, so their conversation is about as interesting as the one your dad and uncle had about the plans for their backyards once they stopped working.
Boris and the bachelorette
While Duncan was chatting it up on late-night television, his teammate Boris Diaw was ... crashing a bachelorette party in Austin. You know, just your usual offseason routine. Apparently a group of unnamed women were celebrating the impending nuptials of a friend on a boat on Lake Travis when they saw on Twitter that Diaw also was boating on the lake. Naturally that prompted the group to drive around the lake yelling "BORIS!" in hopes of finding him. As one does. Somehow, they were successful, and the NBA champion swam over and joined them on their boat. If this doesn't sound like some sort of twisted fairy tale for the digital age, I don't know what does.
Look at me, LeBron
After news broke on Tuesday morning that LeBron James would be opting out of his contract with the Miami Heat to become a free agent, seemingly every team started plotting ways to lure the four-time MVP. And by every team, I really mean EVERY team. The social media departments at virtually every professional sports team in America went into overdrive with their public pleas to the superstar ... or blatant attempts to generate some social buzz. You win, guys. You win.
Think you can get to Brazil by tomorrow morning, LeBron?
As if the 2014 World Cup experience wasn't bad enough for Spain, the team's plane was struck by lightning on the way back to Madrid. Because, of course. A fitting end to a disastrous campaign for the defending champions, who were eliminated after group play. Clearly even Mother Nature was angry about the team's performance.
If you're looking for some type of photographic proof of this weather event, you seem to be out of luck. However, here's a totally fake picture of the plane being struck that is making the viral rounds.
Let it slide
In further proof that summer is officially upon us, a group of fun/brave/absolutely insane Utahians filmed themselves on a Slip 'N Slide ... off a 50-foot cliff. Don't try this at home, kids. But if you must, please film it, set it to whatever the most popular alternative rock song is at the moment and send it our way.
See something worthy of inclusion on social media or just want to comment on one of today's stories? Send it my way on Twitter, @darcymaine_espn.