We've got a bellyful of sports craziness
In case you were too busy bracing yourself for cicada-fest 2013, here's the best of the email and Gchat fodder you missed from the sports world and beyond.
It's one thing to be a die-hard fan, it's another to be so die-hard that you go into labor at a game and refuse to leave.
Blackhawks superfan Donna Lebano wasn't going to leave the team's Stanley Cup playoff game last week just to have some baby or something. Because, you know, priorities.
Eight months' pregnant, Lebano joined her sisters at the United Center for the Blackhawks' series-winning game against the Wild. She began feeling contractions during the second period but just couldn't tear herself away until she'd watched the team win. And for the price of playoff tickets these days, can you blame her? Don't answer that.
She went to the hospital as soon as the game ended. "No way was I leaving," the now-mother of two later said in a statement. "We are a Hawks family. I had to see the end of the game."
A few hours after leaving the arena, Lebano gave birth to a healthy boy that she and her husband named Owen. Welcome to the world, kid. You're almost as important as a hockey game.
Talk that talk
Knicks guard J.R. Smith's poor shooting has been a major topic of discussion during the NBA playoffs. After an impressive regular season, he has struggled to get the ball, you know, in the basket during the postseason.
So naturally a Twitter account documenting his woes was created. On Tuesday night, during Game 4 of the team's series against the Pacers, a clever fan started @DidJRSmithMiss. And hilarity ensued as tweets of "yes" quickly made their way on people's timelines.
Yes.— Did JR Smith Miss? (@DidJRSmithMiss) May 17, 2013
But the fun for Smith didn't end there. Knicks fans, desperate for someone to blame for Smith's slump, quickly pointed the finger at Rihanna (what, you were expecting Carmelo or someone actually related to basketball?) after pictures of them at the same club made the rounds.
Never one to keep quiet, the pop superstar took to Instagram on Wednesday to tear down the rumor in a profanity-laced tirade. None of it is appropriate to post here, but in a PG translation, she said the Knicks were "wack" and that Smith's problems were a result of his being hungover due to clubbing every night. Just what every Knicks fan was hoping to hear.
Mark Sanchez jokes are the new Tim Tebow jokes
Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith is apparently not a fan of Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez, news that is assuredly causing Jet fans everywhere to nod their heads eagerly and say, "Join the club." When asked about Sanchez on a Charlotte radio station on Wednesday, Smith said simply, "He sucks." And then, "I wouldn't let Mark Sanchez throw me a paper-bag sandwich."
Honestly, at this point, bashing Sanchez isn't even news anymore. I found myself more surprised that an NFL player would have a paper-bag sandwich.
I would say Smith's comments are sure to create some drama when the Jets and the Panthers meet in Week 15, but chances are Sanchez will be the third-string quarterback by then and Smith will have said not-so-nice things about 278 other players and probably gotten into a physical altercation with at least one teammate.
Hope he at least got a free pair of Jordans out of this
Former tween heartthrob and rapper Bow Wow (previously of Lil' fame) talked about growing up with Michael Jordan's sons in a recent interview with Montreality.com. The current "106 & Park" host shared that he used to have sleepover parties with Marcus and Jeffrey Jordan whenever he was visiting Chicago as a young teenager. While rich young people hanging out with other rich young people isn't that interesting, Bow Wow shared a fascinating story about inadvertently offending Papa Jordan with his choice of footwear.
The "Like Mike" star wore a pair of Reebok-issued Allen Iverson sneakers to the Jordan household and was woken up by MJ himself demanding to know if they were his shoes. According to Bow Wow, Jordan said, "C'mon, man!" (clearly way ahead of his time) and Bow Wow never saw his Iversons again.
To recap, Michael Jordan, the best basketball player of all time, threw out his sons' friend's sneakers because he didn't like the brand. Then again, maybe Jordan just wanted Bow Wow to be a little more "Like Mike." See what we did there? Moving on.
And with just 42 years to go before he can collect Social Security!
Newly signed Ravens linebacker Rolando McClain announced his retirement from football on Wednesday, prompting thousands around the country to wish enviously that they too could retire at 23.
The legally troubled star, who was most recently arrested in April just days after signing with the Ravens, cited a need to work on his personal life as the main reason for walking away from football.
Although he doesn't rule out a return to the game, it's unclear what his immediate plans are. Other than an impending court appearance and potential jail time, that is.
While it definitely sounds as if McClain needs to get his life together, I'm not sure having endless free time and no job is really the right way to go for someone who seems to get in trouble every time he has free time and doesn't need to go to work the next day.
Here's hoping McClain picks up golf, moves to Florida and enjoys eating dinner at 4 p.m. like his fellow retirees. At least in a retirement community he won't have anyone to fight with at midnight or go to a club with.
Tryin' to get some money for the rent
For the tens and tens of you out there clamoring for new Three 6 Mafia music, it's your lucky day. One-third of the group (or One 3 Mafia, as I like to call it), has released a brand-new Memphis Grizzlies anthem, and just in time for the team's Western Conference finals appearance! Along with Drumma Boy, DJ Paul released "We Don't Bluff" earlier this week. With lyrics like "we don't bluff" and … um, "we don't bluff" (that's pretty much it), this song is sure to … never be played outside of the Memphis city limits. But when an Academy Award winner (look it up) releases a team anthem, I feel as though it must be given the respect it deserves. Because, after all, it's hard out here for a pimp.