Crowning achievement on dating scene
In case you were too busy getting fined for flopping by David Stern, here's the best of the email and Gchat fodder you missed this week from the sports world and beyond.
Match.com is so 2012
After the Spurs swept the Grizzlies in the Western Conference finals, Memphis forward Quincy Pondexter decided to dedicate his newfound free time to finding a girlfriend. And not just any girlfriend. Miss Tennessee, to be exact. Regardless of, you know, who she actually is.
On Wednesday, Pondexter tweeted his followers to ask if they knew who had won Miss Tennessee this year. The power of the Internet (sadly, I don't mean a simple Google search) got him answers not only from his followers but also from the beauty queen herself. Wasting no time in our fast-paced digital world, Pondexter oh-so-slickly asked Chandler Lawson if she was single.
Did I say slickly ask if she was single? LOLZ! That said, Miss Tennessee agreed to go out on a date with him due to his charm. Or maybe it's his salary. But eh, details, right?
Here's hoping the pair live-tweets the date for all the world to enjoy.
You won't Belieb this story
In the latest edition of "unlikeliest celebrity feud of all time," teen pop sensation (and inevitable future subject of a tragic fallen-child-star documentary) : Justin Bieber is squaring off with -- OK, really cowering in fear from -- his neighbor and our ESPN co-worker, Keyshawn Johnson.
On Sunday, Johnson reportedly was driving his Prius through his gated community in Calabasas, Calif., when the Biebs whizzed by in his Ferrari. A less-than-thrilled Johnson followed the singer home to confront him about his dangerous speed. According to the always-trusty TMZ gang, the former football star got to Bieber's house, blocked the Ferrari in the driveway and then tried to approach the singer. So what did Selena Gomez's boyfriend do? He ran into his house, locked the door and refused to come out to talk. What a baby… baby, baby. Oh!
No word if Bieber has come out of his house or if he's still curled up with a One Direction blanket in the corner of his basement, quivering in fear at the thought of a football player yelling at him.
And, in a delightful turn of events for anyone who is not named Justin Bieber, it turns out Johnson isn't the only former football player angered by the reckless driving.
I live in Calabasas too and @justinbieber needs to slow his ass down.— Eric Dickerson (@EricDickerson) May 28, 2013
The Calabasas police apparently are investigating the reckless driving claims, but I think it would be a lot more entertaining if we let a group of former football players take care of this one (and heck, maybe they could even get this kid to pull up his pants). Provided TMZ was there to film the whole thing, of course.
No landing mat needed
Watch these Kenyan high school students easily clear six feet in a high jump event and be prepared to feel extraordinarily bad about your inability to jump six inches to grab something out of a kitchen cabinet. Just me? But seriously, WOW. Just wow.
Take your talents to LeBron's website
Attention, college students! Do you live in Ohio, South Florida or New York? Do you have access to a phone and a computer? Do you like basketball? Have I got the internship for you! Well, actually, LeBron James has the internship for you.
The reigning NBA MVP's website is currently looking for some college students who want to get an enriching, hands-on experience in "online content development and digital sports marketing." Of course, translated, this means "free labor."
Although there may or may not be a T-shirt in it for you. A "Team LeBron Against the World: Interns Wanted" shirt is featured on the site, but it's unclear if an intern would actually receive one. I know, I know, the possibility of a free T-shirt for hundreds of unpaid hours of my time? WHERE DO I SIGN UP???
However, exploited labor or otherwise, this still sounds significantly more interesting than my college internship at a law firm -- including exactly zero NBA superstars -- in which I answered phones, made copies and fetched coffee. Excuse me, fetched lattes, as I learned the hard way on my first day: "Why on earth would you think I would want regular coffee? Do I look like someone that would drink regular coffee?"
So, who drove the boat?
At Sunday's Coca-Cola 600, Danica Patrick's day ended after a bad wreck caused serious damage to her car. To make matters worse, the accident was caused by her boyfriend and fellow driver, Ricky Stenhouse Jr.
The two then shared a ride home together from the track, a trip that Patrick says was filled with "a few silent moments for sure." Thankfully for Stenhouse, Patrick is known for her composure and controlled anger. OK, that's not entirely true, but they managed to get past the accident by spending a sun-filled day lounging on a boat on Monday. I'm pretty sure there has never been a more appropriate use for the hashtag #FirstWorldProblems than this.
Reason No. 568 Michael Phelps should have been given the reality show
What would Ryan Lochte do? Apparently get dumped via phone by his girlfriend of four years on national television. On the season finale of his reality show, Lochte's British lady love, Jamiee Hollier, called it quits. While someone's heartbreak is normally off limits to make fun of, in this case, it just brings up a lot of questions. Mainly, if you've had a girlfriend since 2009, why did you tell everyone during the Olympics you were single? Additionally, why did you campaign to be on "The Bachelor," a show that BY DEFINITION is for a single guy, if you, you know, weren't single?
Either Lochte deserved to be dumped because he publicly ignored his longtime GF or the producers at E! realized they needed to create some drama because repeated footage of "Jeah!" and confused looks just don't bring the ratings.
So, in conclusion, what would Ryan Lochte do? Hopefully not return for a second season of his show and instead return to the pool, where he isn't required to speak. Jeah!
Warning: Cuteness overload
If you somehow haven't been sent this clip by your aunt, college roommate or co-worker, here is an adorable video of a dachshund puppy cleaning the teeth of its best friend, a lion. We all can wish we had such a cute time during our trips to the dentist.