A drop-dead crazy week
In case you were too busy going crazy on the paparazzi in the streets of Los Angeles (everything OK at home, Lamar Odom?), here's the best of the email and gchat fodder you missed from the sports world and beyond.
A die-hard Browns fan, literally
After years of watching his team be the NFL's resident punchline, lifelong Browns fan Scott Entsminger finally got the last laugh.
Entsminger died last week at age 55, and in his obituary in The Columbus Dispatch, his family described how he sent an original song to the team every season and asked friends to wear Browns apparel to the funeral. But the fandom didn't stop there.
In the obituary, Entsminger entertainingly requested "six Cleveland Browns pallbearers so the Browns can let him down one last time." From the grave, for the win!
Insert your favorite "only the Browns could get made fun of by the dead" joke here.
While they didn't send any pallbearers, the Browns did make a custom jersey for Entsminger and had a team executive give it to the family at Tuesday's memorial service. Sounds as if they didn't let him down after all.
Reason No. 749 you shouldn't marry someone you meet at a strip club
Former "Baseball Wives" star, men's magazine staple and tabloid favorite Anna Benson made the news this week, and for once she's probably not happy about it. Turns out there is such a thing as bad press, even for Benson.
The 37-year-old is in the middle of a divorce from her husband of 14 years, former MLB pitcher Kris Benson. Her reaction to the proceedings probably should not be a lesson to anyone at home. On Sunday, Anna, wearing a custom bulletproof vest, allegedly broke into Kris' Georgia home with a handgun, a baton, an ammunition belt and a knife, demanding he give her $30,000. Somehow Kris managed to escape to the basement, where he called 911.
Thankfully no one was injured in the incident and police arrested Anna on the scene. When officers asked her why she was wearing a bulletproof vest, she explained that it was a new model she was testing for a company and she needed to wear it all the time so it could mold to her body. I mean, duh! Of course that's why she was wearing a bulletproof vest when threatening her husband with a gun. I don't know why the police even had to ask.
In a jailhouse interview with the New York Post, Anna explained that she's a "good girl" and justified her wardrobe by saying she's personally designing bulletproof vests and just wanted to test one out. She was unable to share that information with police because it's "top-secret military and Department of Defense stuff." OK then.
As for the money demands, she claims she wasn't threatening Kris when she was waving around a gun and a baton, merely politely reminding him of an advance of their divorce settlement.
Congratulations to anyone who correctly picked 2013 as the year Anna, the woman who once told Howard Stern she would sleep with all of her husband's teammates if he ever cheated on her, finally snapped.
Can you blame RG III for wearing a mask in this video?
If you ever wanted to watch Robert Griffin III, his new wife and another female friend perform a rap about Pop Rocks and Tootsie Pops, it's your lucky day!
However, if you've really been sitting around clamoring for such a video, this might be the only lucky day in what must be a very strange life.
Greg Oden is just like … your 12-year-old sister/daughter/niece/cousin
For the tens and tens of you out there wondering how former No. 1 NBA draft pick Greg Oden spends his days as a 25-year-old pseudo-retired person, wonder no more. Oden was spotted in Indianapolis on Wednesday at a … Justin Bieber concert. And you thought he couldn't be the subject of any more jokes.
Oden has been meeting with teams over the past several weeks in hopes of staging a comeback. But if that fails, maybe Bieber should consider hiring a 7-foot bodyguard with faulty knees and a tolerance for crappy music.
Metta being Metta (no World Peace puns needed)
The Lakers have decided to use their amnesty clause to waive Metta World Peace from their roster, prompting thousands of super-corny plays on his last name across the blogosphere.
But before you cry yourself to sleep for Metta, do yourself a favor and check out his Twitter feed to see how he's handling the news. Here's a small sampling.
I just got the news ... I'm so sad!!!— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) July 10, 2013
My news is that My favorite burger spot called "My Favorite Burger" added extra gratuity cost to the vegan burgers.. Worst day ever— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) July 10, 2013
Ok. I have to amnesty my jeans. Their too tight. I think I might waive my tooth brush also. I need a new one— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) July 10, 2013
This might be the greatest accomplishment in ACC football
Former Florida State offensive lineman Menelik Watson can say he's the first FSU player to win an SEC championship. No, you don't need to run to find your trusty conference realignment cheat sheet. FSU is still in the ACC. Until the next conference shuffling anyway.
Watson, a member of the 2012 ACC championship football team, received his ring in the mail on Wednesday, and the inscription proclaimed Florida State as the SEC champions. I'm sure somewhere out there, probably in a windowless office with a straw hat on his head and a scowl on his face, Nick Saban is scoffing at the thought.
Watson immediately posted a picture of his ring on Twitter. According to an FSU spokesman, he's the only one who received the erroneous inscription.
Good to see the NCAA is as confused as we are as to who plays in what conference these days. And on the bright side for Watson, if he ever needs some cash and turns to eBay, everyone knows an SEC ring is worth significantly more than an ACC one.
Just your typical day at the park …
Choose Your Own Adventure: You're hooping at the park with some of your friends when a fully costumed Spider-Man approaches you and asks if he can join. You:
A. Say: "Spider-Man wants to play ball with me? Of course!" and immediately let him join. (Watch the video clip embedded below.)
B. Inform him that you're no fun and you would rather just play with your non-superhero buddies. (Stop reading this column. Turn on C-SPAN.)
For those who selected option A, this is what happens next …