TMR's Top 100: Michael Vick is No. 1

A parka in a desert. A necktie at a luau. A really hot spouse for a blind person …

Sorry, just listing the only things I think are more useless than fantasy football rankings in January. In fact, that would probably be a more helpful list of ranks: The Top 50 things that are more useless than a fantasy football Top 50 in January. Now that's a list I can get behind.

The list of stuff we don't know about football (and thus fantasy) right now is longer than the stuff we do, such as where free agents will play and who their coordinators will be, the health of several key players, who is starting … and if there'll even be a season.

But I'm a man for the masses, a crowd-pleaser, and if the people want an early set of rankings, then that's what they shall get. So here you go.

For the purpose of this assignment, I'm going with rosters as they currently are. For example, I personally don't think DeAngelo Williams will be back with the Carolina Panthers, and as a result I like Jonathan Stewart quite a bit for next year, especially if the Panthers get an upgrade at quarterback and get Jeff Otah back healthy. But that is not reflected in theses ranks because it would be impossible right now to guess what team Williams will be on and who else might be affected. Leaving Williams with the Panthers at least gives us a starting point.

Matthew Berry's Top 100 (using ESPN standard scoring)

1. Michael Vick
2. Adrian Peterson
3. Chris Johnson
4. Arian Foster
5. LeSean McCoy
6. Jamaal Charles
7. Roddy White
8. Michael Turner
9. Andre Johnson
10. Maurice Jones-Drew
11. Aaron Rodgers
12. Ray Rice
13. Calvin Johnson
14. Frank Gore
15. Rashard Mendenhall
16. Antonio Gates
17. Ahmad Bradshaw
18. Steven Jackson
19. Darren McFadden
20. Hakeem Nicks
21. Drew Brees
22. Greg Jennings
23. Knowshon Moreno
24. LeGarrette Blount

25. Tom Brady
26. Vincent Jackson
27. Reggie Wayne
28. Mike Wallace
29. Peyton Hillis
30. Peyton Manning
31. Dallas Clark
32. Matt Forte
33. Philip Rivers
34. Larry Fitzgerald
35. Kenny Britt
36. Dez Bryant
37. Dwayne Bowe
38. Jeremy Maclin
39. Marques Colston
40. DeSean Jackson
41. Jonathan Stewart
42. Ryan Grant
43. Tony Romo
44. Matt Schaub
45. Mike Williams (Tampa Bay)
46. BenJarvus Green-Ellis
47. Miles Austin
48. Brandon Lloyd
49. Jahvid Best
50. Wes Welker
51. Brandon Marshall

52. Felix Jones
53. Jason Witten
54. Steve Johnson
55. Sidney Rice
56. Ryan Mathews
57. DeAngelo Williams
58. Fred Jackson
59. Santonio Holmes
60. Josh Freeman
61. Jermichael Finley
62. Vernon Davis
63. Santana Moss
64. Percy Harvin
65. Joe Flacco
66. Ben Roethlisberger
67. Cedric Benson
68. Mario Manningham
69. Shonn Greene
70. Eli Manning
71. Terrell Owens
72. Austin Collie
73. Marshawn Lynch
74. Johnny Knox
75. Pierre Garcon
76. Thomas Jones
77. Matt Ryan
78. Jay Cutler
79. Mike Tolbert
80. Joseph Addai
81. Michael Crabtree
82. Beanie Wells
83. Owen Daniels
84. Ryan Torain
85. Matthew Stafford
86. Tim Tebow
87. Derrick Mason
88. Braylon Edwards
89. Anquan Boldin
90. LaDainian Tomlinson
91. Matt Cassel
92. Pierre Thomas
93. Mike Thomas
94. Brandon Jacobs
95. Deion Branch
96. Chris Ivory
97. Hines Ward
98. Sam Bradford
99. Michael Bush
100. Marcedes Lewis

Matthew Berry -- The Talented Mr. Roto -- is currently bringing ice to Alaska. He is the creator of RotoPass.com, a website that combines a bunch of well-known fantasy sites, including ESPN Insider, for one low price. Use promo code ESPN for 10 percent off. He is a charter member of the Fantasy Sports Writers Association Hall of Fame. Cyberstalk the TMR | Be his cyberfriend