Commentary

Thinking about it

Updated: December 16, 2013, 6:24 PM ET
By Jay Cronley | Special to ESPN.com

So here we are, wondering where all that 2013 money went.

Here are some resolutions for the horse player in 2014.

The problem with most resolutions is theyre next to impossible to keep. Lose weight. Clean out the garage. Exercise harder twice a day. Why not add fix the wiring yourself.

These are easier to keep longer.

Resolutions:

Keep decent notes on your horse race wagers, and save losing tickets, so you wont repeat the same mistakes, or come into conflict with the IRS.

Dont drink too much alcohol and do anything related to a horse race track.

Dont pick up tickets in the restroom to see if theyre any good.

Shop local.

Use an experts pick only if he or she has hit some.

Always make a small win bet on a long shot you like.

Dont admit to watching Nashville on television.

Think funny.

Dont bet into rotten moods.

Dont fear underdogs.

Dont write so many anonymous messages filled with anger, as almost anybody can hit the replay.

Dont kick or push over a malfunctioning betting machine.

Take a date to the races at your own risk.

Dont ignore oddball horse names that have a connection to your life.

Play big exactas only with somebody elses money.

Never ignore speed.

Dont eat the fish.

Dont tip too early.

If you must bet football because it looks so easy with only two teams competing, place yourself in the role of the sports book by playing the least obvious teams.

Dont forget that big changes from past performance behavior produces the biggest long shot payoffs.

Instead of playing slot machines, flush your money down the toilet.

Realize that talking too much indicates insecurity with your upcoming wager.

Dont wear a ball cap backwards.

Dont send a photograph of you and the spouse for Christmas or the holidays, unless it is sent to family, and even then, think twice.

Support bookstores because theyre disappearing like ball games in vacant lots.

Dont watch TV shows where somebody can hit one computer button and solve a crime.

Use up every penny that comes with a gift card.

Dont sent emails to more than one person at a time.

Dont let everybody say No problem without saying that you didnt ask if halfway decent service was a problem.

Watch some horse races without betting.

With a sporting event on TV, keep the Mute button handy.

Check out a live horse race for something different.

Dont wager too early.

Play something from the first Kentucky Derby futures book selections.

Dont doze off on the Thunder in the NBA because the new guys are like roadrunners and can shoot some.

Be sure and watch Shark Tank, the best reality-type show on TV, the show that makes Mark Cuban seem like one of the guys.

Pay more attention to race track bias.

Dont talk to drunks.

Dont believe a nut.

Instead of buying a tip sheet, set your paper money on fire.

Avoid unlucky tellers.

Dont try to coach a team that you own.

Dont loan money.

Dont bet on the way a photo finish will turn out.

If youre goofy, go ahead and make a value bet at the horse races.

Dont wait out back for a Steward.

Try some Jet Fuel or Bob Marley espresso coffee in your new K Cup machine, as most other offerings are far too mild.

Dont ignore small horse race tracks for humor and profit.

Dont lose all that you won.

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