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If Alex Rodriguez were a horse trainer

1/15/2014

Would his suspension have been 30 days?

Would an assistant, maybe his cousin Yuri, be able to fill in for him while he was "suspended."

Would the stuff he allegedly did even be illegal if he abided by withdrawal times? Hey, dump the pharmaceutical kitchen sink into your horses, just don't do it within two days of a race.

Would any major news outlet, other than, perhaps, the New York Times, even care that this happened in the first place?

Once banned by one entity, would he be able to just pick up and race somewhere else? Say, if he were thrown out by American League Downs, could he just go perform at National League Race Course and Casino?

Would he be more popular than ever with owners? Would they flock to him after his suspension ended, a lot less concerned with his checkered past than his 38 percent win rate?

A racing commissioner with the best interests of the sport in mind? You must be joking.

Would he be dealt with harshly by a commissioner who has the best interests of the sport in mind? (This one we can answer: A racing commissioner with the best interests of the sport in mind? You must be joking.)

Would he work for one of those owners who somehow always seem to be behind the latest miracle-working trainer? Would owners consider him a pariah? Would his fellow trainers?

Would Alex Rodriguez ever have been suspended this quickly if he were a horse trainer? Lawyering up got him a few extra months on the diamond last season. It might have gotten him four years more at the racetrack.

Would a supplier ever have been part of the maelstrom? Do the bad guys supplying drugs to the bad guys in racing ever get caught, sanctioned or even mentioned? There must be Anthony Bosch types in horse racing, yet we know nothing about them.

How hard would anyone work to catch him? Beyond, that is, traditional drug testing, which is hardly the be-all and end-all when it comes to catching anyone in any sport.

Would racing have hired any investigators to look into his situation?

Having not flunked any recent drug tests, would he ever have been caught?

Assuming he had 80 horses in his barn, 80 horses that run and fill up fields, would any track not roll out the red carpet for him?

Would he win 54 percent of the time off the claim? Even higher?

What would he know about Cobalt? About frog juice?  About shady veterinarians?

How would the ban on steroids in racing that came about only a few years ago have affected him? Would he have even cared?

How much would he care about the welfare of his horses?

If a harness trainer, would he be banned at the Meadowlands? That's a definite yes.

Would he be a claiming trainer or is he too egotistical for that? We're thinking major player on the Triple Crown scene. A guy who buys $2 million yearlings.

How glad would he be that horse racing doesn't seem as interested in curbing its PED problem as baseball does?

Would he train for Joe Torre? Rick Dutrow did.

Would he laugh all the way to the bank? What would he think of baseball players who cheat?

Would he be so narcissistic? After all, horse trainers just aren't that important in the grand scheme of things.

Would horse racing be worse off? Would baseball be better off?

He wouldn't have stepped foot in Seattle (Emerald Downs) or Texas (Lone Star Park), right?

Would he still have a nickname? We don't call Todd Pletcher "T-Pletch," do we?

Could he still get chicks like Cameron Diaz and Madonna?