Last week the city of Denver sold its soul for $120 million.

A stadium board voted 7-1 in favor of hawking the naming rights to the city's new football stadium to something called Invesco Funds Group. In recent years, this corporate jock-sniffing has produced more than 60 naming rights deals worth in excess of $3 billion. In the worst cases stadiums that were named to honor a region (like Mile High) or a person (like Joe Robbie or Jack Murphy) were transformed into temples of crass commercialization. My favorites include PSINet Stadium, Staples Center, Xcel Energy Center and Enron Field.

I have tried to fight this rampant greed. I have railed against it in print and vowed never to patronize a company that stole the name of a stadium or arena. I have waited in vain for some super-savvy corporation to step up, purchase the naming rights to a ballpark and then announce, "as a tribute to our CMGI customers, we are leaving the name Fenway Park."

But I'm beginning to rethink this stance.

If supposed sports shrines in places like Boston, Denver and Green Bay are for sale, well, it's high time I jumped on this gravy train. Or, I should say, the rich, creamy, homemade, tasty Heinz gravy train. That one was free. The rest, I am sorry to say, are gonna cost ya.

At the advice of a loyal Flem File reader, Jason Malo, who proposed this scheme in a January 30 e-mail, I am hereby announcing an open bid for the corporate naming rights to, well ... me.

That's correct. For the right price I will drop part, or all, of my family name and supplant it with a corporate title, logo, mascot, catchphrase or slogan. (My nickname is the phonetic spelling of the term for a thick mucus discharge. So I ask you, can Enron be much worse?)

So by this time next week it's very likely you could be reading the Sani-flush Flem File.

The truth is, I offer many advantages to companies seeking to drop a few bucks in order to slap their name on something. After all, FedEx paid $205 million to put its name on the football stadium in Washington, D.C., for the next 27 years. Well, Jason and I have not crunched the numbers yet, but let's just say I can be had for slightly less than a quarter billion.

I'll also throw in the naming rights to my dog, formerly known as Scoop. And while I offer no guarantees, I'm planning on sticking around for a lot longer than 27 years. That means you'd avoid embarrassing situations like the one in Miami where the Dolphins may be forced to play on Fruit of the Loom Field now that the Pro Player sports apparel company has gone out of business.

Think about it: because of my massive multimedia appeal, each week, your corporate name (I'm thinking something catchy like XFLem or Gatorade Dave or FleM&M's) will be on the minds and tongues of dozens upon dozens of consumers. That automatically makes me a better investment than any MLS team.

Potential suitors should also ask themselves this: with the possible exception of the jock strap column, could I somehow embarrass you more than the Cincinnati Bengals disgraced the name Cinergy? Could you somehow get worse publicity from me than what Lowes has received from the speedway in Charlotte that has been plagued by accidents and tragedy the last few years?

Part of me also worries about being labeled a sellout. You know, I'd hate to lose my street, er, cul-de-sac, cred. But when I heard that NFL Hall of Famer Dick Butkus was shilling for the XFL, somehow selling off my family heritage didn't seem so scummy. (By the way, I went to a strip club yesterday and an XFL game broke out.)

There is also the possibility that I won't get any takers. But no matter what happens, endorsement-wise I figure can't do worse than Ray Lewis or Mark Chmura.

And whatever corporate name I settle on (jump to Thanksgiving, 2001: "Excuse me, Crazy Bob's Bail Bonds, could you please pass the turkey?"), it won't be any worse than what fans of the PSINet Ravens have been calling me lately.

[Ed.'s note: Page 2's Darren Rovell sold his naming rights to the Sobe soft-drink company on Feb. 2. But we're confident Flem can do way better than five cases a month for two years.]

David Fleming, a senior writer for The Magazine, shares his off-center perspective each week on ESPNMAG.com. Check out Dave's feedback file, and vote for the WHYLO of the Week. E-mail flemfile@aol.com.