All the signs were there. I had begun to chart groin pulls. I stayed up late to watch every snap, then logged on early to read every word of "Couch strains forearm in loss to Packers." I actually prepared popcorn for my private screening of the videotape the NFL sends out each summer to explain rule changes.

Yep, no doubt about it, I was deep in the throes of the NFL preseason doldrums.

And then I was saved, once again, by Eagles PR dude Ron Howard (the guy who lent me his pants this summer). Ron's mailing contained everything the NFL preseason lacks. It's revealing. It's unique. It has star quality. And it's sure to spark controversy and microwave a bitter on-field rivalry between Philly and Dallas.

Ladies and gentlemen: the 2002-2003 Philadelphia Eagles lingerie calendar.

Oh dear lord, I thought, pausing for a moment before tearing open the package, what if this is Andy Reid in his skivvies?

	30 Second Column
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	Top five NFL players who have had appendectomies: 5. San Diego WR Tim Dwight 4. Pittsburgh WR Hines Ward 3. Jacksonville WR Jimmy Smith 2. Philadelphia S Brian Dawkins 1. St. Louis QB Kurt Warner
	WHYLO of the Week
	Even though we are at 359 days (and counting) since the Carolina Panthers won a football game, lots of fans of the Queen City Kitties were upset with my listing the 2002 Carolina Panthers as the worst non-expansion team in NFL history in last week's FlemFile Five. None more than Marc Stanton who wrote The journalistic direction of your employer escapes me. Shock style reporting with little or no thought behind the content. People who call into AM radio stations seem to have more insight into the subjects than you Mr. Fleming. Non-subscriber to ESPN content and very happy about it. In his email Marc included his nickname, "The Joker", (which makes me involuntarily shoot both thumbs up into the air), his title, "Co-Founder/President PantherFanz Tailgate Club" (this screams Star Wars club to me) and a link to a page that shows grown men with their faces painted teal. In my mind that in and of itself deserves a WHYLO. So Marc -- sorry, Joe-kaaaa -- Who Helped You Log On?
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	Priorities, priorities: Jeff Lewis, a former backup who may be the worst QB I've ever seen in action (and I'm from Detroit), is scheduled to make 100 grand more than starter/stud Aaron Brooks. Most folks forget that Terrell Davis originally injured his leg trying to make a tackle after a Broncos interception. I'd say that's all you need to know about the kind of competitor he was. Nate Newton was recently sentenced to jail for possession of pot. Really, the judge should have accepted his season with the Panthers as time served? Most amazing sight from preseason: Washington linebacker LaVar Arrington reaching behind his back in full stride to knock down a pass during practice. Jay Fiedler has thrown 33 picks his last two seasons. Can Ricky Williams fix that? Bono's lyrics are all about a girl or a god. The beauty, I think, is that most of the time you can't tell which. Eagles DE Hugh Douglas on Andy Reid as a GM. "Some of the moves he's made this offseason were kinda questionable," says Douglas. "Even as a player I was like, 'What is he doing?' But you gotta roll with it, 'cause he hasn't been wrong yet. Evidently he knows something we don't." If you're Jeff George and you see the Seahawks pass you over to hire a 39-year-old Mark Rypien who hasn't played in three seasons, perhaps now you're starting to understand the importance of leadership and attitude in the NFL Dallas LB Kevin Hardy on his old boss, Tom Coughlin: "I respect him for the drive he has to win football games, but that's all he cares about. I don't like his coaching style and I don't like him as a person. He knows that. But he could care less. He comes over while you're stretching and asks: How's the family? And you know he doesn't really care." ... In the middle of the Cowboys locker room is a giant brown box marked "Things left in rooms at training camp." It's overflowing with old shirts, pants and leftover black cowboy hats ... The next time you think football players make too much scratch consider this: Eddie Murphy made gazillions on Pluto Nash.

It's not.

In producing what the Eagles are calling the first calendar of its kind in the NFL, the team's goal was not so much to push the envelope, says Howard, as steam it open. Well, they've done a bit more than that. They set the damn thing on fire.

Even so, the photos, taken amongst -- well, more like over, against and sprawled across -- the antique furnishings of a model home near Philly, are more tasteful than risquι. In other words, this isn't any worse (or better) than Jill Arrington in FHM.

(Does anybody else remember that several years back, former members of this very same Eagles cheerleading squad filed suit against the city and other NFL teams after guys admitted sneaking peaks at them in their underwear? Now they're charging up front: $12.99.)

"People think the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are the only elite squad in the NFL," says Eagles cheer coordinator Barbara Zaun, who kept correcting herself during our interview each time she said underwear instead of lingerie. "This is a way for us to separate from the pack, to be more cutting edge, more hip, more trendy, more intelligent [say what?] and ... to give the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders some competition. Do you think we've done that?"

And then some. I know the fringe-wearin' DCC set the standard for NFL cheerleaders -- they've been on Letterman, visited US servicemen in Korea and starred in two made-for-TV movies. They're America's Sweethearts, for cryin' out loud. But from here, this Battle of the Cheerleaders looks like last year's Philly-Dallas game (36-3) -- a total blowout.

In a showcase at the Cowboys' training base in Dallas, the Cowboy cheerleaders proudly display a calendar of their own … from 1981. (I, for one, never considered parachute pants all that sexy, even with two decades to think about it.) Several phone messages to the DCC to talk about the challenge they face -- not to mention the one posed by the copycat Houston Texans -- went unreturned. Clearly, they must be regrouping.

The Green and Blue squads don't actually go head-to-head until Sept. 22 (in front of the mongrels at The Vet), but right now this little tiff stands as the most compelling matchup of the preseason.

"I'm sure they've seen it and bought it and been on the Internet to check it out," says Monica, Ms. March, who posed in garters and high heels on top of a marble coffee table.

Monica -- Ms. March.

Monica, by the way, is a student at Temple. Her favorite book is Angela's Ashes. Her fave movie? Bring It On! Of course. She was a bit nervous about her family seeing the calendar (oh, yeah, I forgot this thing has dates and months too, not just glossy photos) but they "loved it!"

Monica said the photo shoot was a "nude and exciting experience," then she corrected herself. "It's been a new and exciting experience for all of us," she said.

Melba -- Ms. February.

Strictly (ah-hem) on a professional basis, I was impressed by Christina (Ms.January) who was reclined on a bed with her chest covered by Robert Frost--I mean, a Robert Frost book, The Road Less Traveled. Melba (Ms. February) is stunning.

So is Michelle (Ms. July), and Ms. November's toe ring, and SeptemberandJuneandApriland … um, the whole dang year.

But really, who am I to judge? I don't wear lingerie very often. So I asked my wife, Kim, a former cheerleader captain (which, from what I can ascertain, means she got to yell "last time" at the end of each cheer), who gave it a quick critique.

"How do you think it would look," she began, "if the models from Victoria's Secret ran out onto the field and tried to pull off a dance routine during halftime?"

"…"

"They'd look okay," she continued without me. "They could pull it off. But they'd look out of place. A little subpar. That's kinda what this calendar looks like to me."

With this in mind, I decided to study the calendar further, and in much greater detail.

David Fleming is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at FlemFile@carolina.rr.com. But watch out -- you could be the WHYLO of the Week.