Although I received no contracts from corporate America to purchase my naming rights (several family members did, however, pool their resources and offer up $67.32 for me to change my name to Smith), I did, in fact, get quite a few suggestions from readers about possible naming-rights deals. Some were even printable!

If you don't include the rather long list of suggestions relating to hemorrhoids, jock itch and foot fungus, my favorite was one sent in by Kurt, who just seemed to nail my street-savvy, slick, unpredictable nature with ... the new Dodge Flemavan.

Another suggestion leads me to this week's WHYLO (Who Helped You Log On?) for which, I am happy to inform you, we have a new logo. My focus now is to litter the world with WHYLO t-shirts, WHYLO mugs, WHYLO air fresheners, WHYLO fly swatters and charcoal WHYLO foot-odor pads.

Actually, I do hope to eventually give out T-shirts for each week's WHYLO (loser?) winner, so there are no hard feelings. I was hoping my new naming rights contract would help pay for the shirts. Instead, you'll just have to wait until I can figure out where to hide the cost of the shirts on my expense report.

On to the WHYLO ... Dr. Lynne writes: "Don't change your name! It's a GREAT one! My father is David Fleming and my brother is too!! They both are wonderful people, and you must be too. After all, you are a David Fleming."

Dr. Lynne's e-mail about keeping my last name really meant something to me until I looked at the bottom of her note and noticed that SHE HAD ACTUALLY CHANGED HER OWN NAME FROM FLEMING TO SOMETHING ELSE!

For that bit of hypocrisy (and because the new WHYLO logo looks like the face we all make when we get our doctor's bill) I ask all of you to join me in saying, Dear Doc, open wide and say ...

WHO HELPED YOU LOG ON?

David Fleming, a senior writer for The Magazine, is stuck in a hotel room on 42nd Street, and that makes him very grumpy. E-mail flemfile@aol.com.