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February 25, 2002
Knowledge is good
by Gene Wojciechowski
ESPN The Magazine |
Until recently I wouldn’t have known Edward J. Meeman from Alfred E. Neuman. Meeman? Didn’t he invent the comic strip? Or was he the one who pioneered the research of uranium isotopes? This was a Final Jeopardy question, right?
Turns out that ol’ E.J. spent 60 years in the newspaper business, uncovered corruption in Knoxville and Memphis city goverments and later served as editor of the Knoxville News-Sentinel, as well as the Memphis Press-Scimitar. His black-and-white portrait photo hangs on the curved brick wall inside the University of Tennessee’s College of Communications, not that I ever noticed while walking those same halls from the fall of 1976 to the winter of 1979.
Anyway, I just got back after spending a week in Knoxville as an Edward J. Meeman Lecturer. (Incidentally, I hear the French Judge was lecturing on ethics at the same time.) For five days I talked to more students than you can shake a Pell Grant at. There were 13 classes, two Society of Professional Journalists gigs, two TV interviews, two radio interviews (Host: " 'Preciate you calling." Caller: " 'Preciate you ‘preciating me."), one photo session, one session with the Daily Beacon hacks, one pitch from the UT development office, one hoarse voice.
And I’d do it again in a second.
Here’s what I learned about today’s Joe College vs. 1979's Joe College:
They have classrooms lined with Gateways and Macs.
We had IBMs ... electric typewriters.
They have a student union cafeteria featuring a separate deli, Italian food kiosk, a fast-food hamburger franchise, a baked goods area, a dessert area and a mind-boggling array of snacks. The only items missing on the menu are fondue and pheasant under glass.
We had Soylent Green, mystery slab o’ meat and mashed potatoes that had the approximate density of lead.
They have Pat Summitt.
We had Pat Summitt.
They have rap.
We had grunge ... in our dorm room bathroom.
They have body piercings. One coed I met had a silver rod that stretched across the width of the ear. The whole thing looked like a truck axle installed by Mr. Goodwrench. It didn’t matter, of course -- the kid was three times smarter than I’ll ever be.
We had overalls.
They have backpacks.
We had arms.
They have fears, suspicions, and pessimism.
We had keggers.
They have The Rock, a boulder that sits at the edge of Frat Row. The Rock serves as a convenient canvas for the paint-by-numbers message of the day. During my recent stay, someone had painted a tribute to the late, great Waylon Jennings.
We had The Rock ... and I’m sure someone painted a tribute to the then-living Waylon Jennings.
They have a state budget crisis that has impacted teaching salaries, programs, the ability to attract quality graduate students -- but not the BK at the cafeteria.
We had a Busch beer crisis.
They have the raging debate: Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?
We had Steely Dan vs. Allman Brothers, or Dan Fogelberg vs. Jimmy Buffett?
They have the 24,525-seat Thompson-Boling Assembly Center & Arena, which is as sterile as a vasectomy clinic.
We had the claustrophobic Stokely Center, the 12,700-seat home of the Ernie & Bernie Show (Ernie Grunfeld and Bernard King) -- once again proving bigger isn’t necessarily better.
They have a bookstore that features quite possibly the best dorm room poster of all time: John Belushi as John Blutarsky of Animal House fame. You’ve seen it: Belushi wearing a serious, puzzled looked, to say nothing of the sweatshirt with lettering that reads, "College." Blutarsky’s 0.0 GPA was only marginally better than Delta House member Kent Dorfman’s 0.2 GPA, which prompted Dean Vernon Wormer to utter the immortal words, "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." Think about it.
We had the same bookstore with the same legendary poster. And until only a few days ago, my daughter Lara had the family heirloom taped to the back of her bedroom door.
They have parking garages.
We had the nightly challenge of squeezing the Chevy Vega into the sliver of space near the dumpster.
They have a campus library to die for.
We had a library. Or so I’ve been told.
They have DSL in their rooms.
We had rotary phones.
They have questions. Lots of them. Good ones, too.
We had too few good answers. In fact, if Meeman were alive, he’d want his honorarium back.
Gene Wojciechowski is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at gene.wojciechowski@espnmag.com.
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