Robert Downey Jr. and Darryl Strawberry have been in the news again lately. Got me thinking: What would happen if they met?

Downey: Why do you keep messing up your life?

Strawberry: I was gonna ask you the same thing.

Downey: A lot of people think we should be in jail. In your case I can see why.

Strawberry: Why more so than you?

Downey: Come on, I'm just an average guy who can act a little. But you're an athlete, man. You're different. You represent everything powerful, graceful, and pure. That smooth swing of yours is damn near poetic. What you do is every man's dream. Wasting that athletic talent is a criminal offense.

Strawberry: What about you? An average guy? You were the one who grew up in a show business family, with money and privilege and all kinds of comfort. I grew up in South Central L.A.

Downey: Come on, I'm an actor, man. People expect actors to have flaws and vices. We're addictive personalities. Anyone who makes his living on stage hungers for attention. And if that hunger isn't fed by applause, you can always get love from a bottle, a pipe, a needle or a bong. We're a quirky bunch. People know this. That's why I keep getting work.

Strawberry: So that's why people look at you differently from me? They expect you to have problems and expect me to be superhuman or something? What about having cancer? Doesn't that make me a little more human?

Downey: What about it? That guy who won the Tour De France had cancer. Greg LeMond.

Stawberry: But that was a physical thing.

Downey: You're an athlete, your whole existence is a physical thing. That's why no one understands why you have a drug problem.

Strawberry: And they understand why you do? No, I don't think that's it. I think it's because you get to pretend to be different people all the time. It's fitting that on Ally McBeal you play a lawyer. You know what lawyers do?

Downey: I can't wait to hear.

Strawberry: They stretch the law. That's exactly what you do. You stretch people's perception of you. People see you, they see a fictional character. So they feel sorry for you. With me, it's always just, "there goes Darryl again."

Downey: Actually, people say the same thing about me. They think to themselves, "If I had his money and opportunities, I wouldn't buy drugs, I'd put the money away and live conservatively." It's hilarious how people think wealth and fame can act like some kind of antidote to drug addiction.

Strawberry: Yeah, I always laugh at that. It's like people telling anorexics to just eat something. Like it's that simple.

Downey: That's why most people want both of us to go to jail. Simple minds come up with simple solutions.

Strawberry: Yeah, I know. I think that's people's solution to everything. They got a problem, throw 'em in jail!

Downey: Do people really think sitting in a cell will cure us of our desire to escape? How ironic is that?

Strawberry: I've been to jail plenty of times and it hasn't cured me of anything yet.

Alan Grant, a former NFL defensive back, is a writer/reporter for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at alan.grant@espnmag.com.