The NFL must have been so pleased to see the Giants bring back some of their old heroes to speak to the team before the big game against the Vikings. It must have been especially proud to see gutty little Phil McConkey, gambling tout extraordinaire, on hand to dispense his wisdom to the local eleven.

Lawrence Taylor speaking, Phil McConkey in the background -- this league doesn't have an image problem. On a sports-gambling Web site, which he shares with ex-NFLers Dan Hampton and Randy White, McConkey knows the kind of stuff you'd expect only from a stat-sheet shut-in. On Thursday, McConkey even guaranteed the Boise State vs. Cal-Irvine winner. Boise State? Cal-Irvine? Who knew? Phil knew. And if he knew Boise State-Irvine, well ... nudge nudge wink wink ... just imagine what "Commander Phil" could do for you with the Giants on Super Sunday.

In the gambling world, the drill is pretty simple: Get a few former players to lend their name to the operation, then pay them enough to shed their pride and give the desperate masses the illusion of omniscience. They knew it all along and now you -- for just a $50 signup fee -- can be in on it, too.

After all, you know from your history books -- particularly the riveting chapter on Jimmy Goldfinger -- how important it is to have inside information.

This Week's List

Elvis Patterson called, and he'd like his nickname back: Wasswa Serwanga.

And while you're at it, get us Brook Steppe's phone number and Juwann Oldham's home address: A caller to a Sacramento sports call-in show called to ask the eternal question, "Can you guys tell me what Mark Olberding's doing? Nobody talks about him anymore?"

Meanwhile, in Columbus: Gruden, Tressel -- what's the difference?

"I'd like to thank YourLife Vitamins -- or should I say MyLife Vitamins?": Golf is proof that the hostile corporate takeover of sports is getting slightly out of hand.

Cart? We've got your cart right here, big boy: Informed sources have indicated that justices Scalia and Thomas will not only rule against Casey Martin, but they will vote to make him run the course.

Getting hip to the cultural revolution, little by little: For a split-second I thought I saw Allen Iverson take five steps on a layup the other night, but then I remembered -- he's an artiste.

Commander Tim's hot pick of the week, absolutely free: Take the under in the Hula Bowl.

Oh, stop with the lawsuit talk: The Rivals.com Hula Bowl.

Somewhere, Paul Westphal watched SportsCenter on Thursday, heard the latest Gary Payton news, then stood in front of his television yelling, over and over: "See? See? See what I'm talking about?"

Good for him: John Daly, 50 pounds lighter and looking 10 years younger.

If you can find a way to get your mind around the transparency of his intentions, David Wells' statements about baseball fans in Toronto can be summed up in two words: Dead on.

Unless it says "I have Glavine dead-bolted in my closet" there is absolutely no reason in the world for their existence: Those scrolling CNNSI snippets from the chat room ("Winfield at plate consumate slugger" "Giants rule forever") read like graffiti on a high school lunch table.

From the untrained eye, a little advice for the Giants: Those runs up the middle -- boy, do they ever not work against the Ravens.

Against the Raiders, Stovall had eight tackles, a sack and a crucial pass deflection: In Baltimore, WMAR-TV anchor Stan Stovall went on the air wearing a Ravens jacket and raising his index finger.

Then again: WMAR weather guy Norm Lewis reported from an area bar with his hair dyed purple.

And again: An anchorwoman and the sports director from WMAR shook Ravens pompoms in a promotional spot.

Not to go all Malcolm X on you, but when you look at the numbers it's amazing there hasn't been some sort of player revolt: Herman Edwards' hiring makes it two black head coaches in the NFL out of the last 42 hirings.

Hey, honey, take a look at this -- looks like we might have to update the chart in the garage: If ever there was a headline that should not interest you in the slightest, it is "Jeter Goes for Arbitration Record."

And not only that, but orange juice is good for you and fried foods should be eaten in moderation: That Dirk Nowitzki is quite a player.

And finally, the immutable law of the Super Bowl: Starting 10 days before the game, there is no such thing as a fresh angle.

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail tim.keown@espnmag.com.