It was either good reporting or blind luck, but either way it was one of the more personally enlightening moments of the year in sports, 2001. Right there on the floor in front of the locker of an NFL player whose identity will be kept secret in the interest of his own self-esteem, there was a box addressed to a faculty member at the Ohio State University "School of Optimology."

There I was, waiting to get my allotted five minutes with a big-name NFL star, and I found something far more important, something big enough to change my life.

The School of Ophthalmology quests for 20/20 vision. So presumably, The School of Optimology is where the future leaders of tomorrow pursue the vigorous discipline of optimism. Professors persistently declare the glass half-full, and students conduct field experiments by saying, "She has a great personality" and "He's a lot of fun" while setting up blind dates. Potential titles for senior theses include "The Hidden Benefits of Rapid Weight Gain" and "Character-Building Through Bad Haircuts."

I envision The School of Optimology as sort of a drying-out facility for the terminally cynical. Rehab for smart asses.

And it is in this spirit of unbridled optimism that we take a look back at the past year in sports.

Inside our walls of academia at TSO, Randy Moss is always at the door, tossing the football into the air, asking if Billy can come out and play.

The beer bottles that fly out of the stands are equipped with a foreword by Carmen Policy and an afterword by Al Lerner.

The XFL still exists, if only to be mocked.

George O'Leary's page in the Georgia Tech media guide wins the National Book Award for fiction.

Football coaches all understand when enough is enough, and too hot is too hot.

And as we attempt to recap the year in sports from the optimological perspective (another possible thesis -- Everyone Else is Doing It: The Strange Allure of Year-End Columns) remember: As is the case with any treatment program, occasional backsliding is to be expected.

This Year's List

Clubhouse flambé: Carl Everett and John Rocker, together in Texas.

Why big-league scouting ain't what it used to be: Yankees catcher Jorge Posada attacked umpire Andy Fletcher after a called third strike, mistakenly believing he was umpire Justin Klemm.

Sports world car of the year: Cadillac Escalade.

How college football coaches spent their Christmas vacation: Making slight alterations to their resumes and media-guide bios.

Guy with the best reason to stand up and say, "Yeah, so what? We won": Byung-Hyung Kim.

Worst trend in the NFL: Spending 20 percent of a game wondering if the guy who's looking at what we just looked at is going to decide to overturn the ruling on the field.

Next time, just lose, okay?: Goran Ivanisevic won Wimbledon, then proceeded to insult overweight women and homosexuals before engaging in a public striptease.

It was almost enough to make you long for the days of "The Alan Thicke Show": Lennox Lewis and Hasim Rahman, going at each other before a live studio audience.

Man with the most reason to be furious with the courtroom artist: Patrick Ewing, at the Gold Club trial.

No, but he did see the Demons-Hitmen game, and he thought Jesse stunk: Upon being introduced to the Dalai Lama, Jesse Ventura asked him if he'd seen "Caddyshack."

Sensing public opinion on his contraction idea, Bud Selig has petitioned for the rights to change his name to: They Hate Me.

Sure, but if God could have worked out a second-round pick and a backup center, you'd be in Utah in a second: Asked about the possibility of being traded from the Knicks, Charlie Ward said, "The Lord has not called on me to move on yet and until that time I'll be here."

It could explain why Nate Newton spends so much time on America's roadways: In March, Charles Oakley told the New York Post that he believes 60 percent of the players in the NBA regularly smoke marijuana, and many play high.

And someday the answer to the trivia question will be "Andrew DeClercq": The NBA fined four players for wearing their shorts too low.

Most blatant misuse of the term "racial slur": The case of Dan Issel, who was wrong and racially insensitive, but still.

Meanwhile, on Animal Planet, they're showing a goat being fitted for a plastic jaw: Before it folded, the XFL managed to set an all-time ratings low for prime-time television.

To put it in terms we all understand, it's like he got hit by lightning -- twice: Michael Jordan said he was 99.99 percent sure he wouldn't return to the NBA.

I'll take Lazarus University, please: A company called Collegiate Memorials began making caskets and urns emblazoned with a university insignia.

Sort of nice ... sort of weird: Miami running back Clinton Portis took his mother to the senior prom.

Great moments in crime: Ex-Saints receiver Albert Connell, with his $14 million contract, allegedly stole $863 from rookie Deuce McAllister's pockets.

A moment that had to make him wonder what he'd gotten himself into: In his first NBA game since arriving from China, Dallas' Wang Zhizhi hit the shot that earned the home fans a free chalupa.

Turnaround of the year: Chicago Bears.

Vindication of the year: Bob Brenly.

Repetition of the year: Lance Armstrong.

It's a heavy load, but one we're willing to shoulder: In spring training, Carl Everett said, "You're always going to have problems, especially when you have the media. If there were no media, you would never have problems."

If only they'd been able to merge it into regular programming: A blimp touting the XFL crashed on a restaurant in Oakland.

He heard there was a guy out there pretending to be Tiger Woods, so he took the road less traveled: After completing his shift, a bus driver claiming to be former Cowboy Golden Richards was arrested for a parole violation stemming from a series of alleged robberies.

The phone rang, Ray answered and a voice at the other end whispered, "Jimmy Goldfinger here": Ray Allen and the Bucks claimed the NBA had rigged the playoffs against them.

Disturbing makeover of the year: Jason Giambi, who left Oakland looking like an out-of-work bartender and showed up in New York looking like Gordon Gecko.

And to think, they had the gall to cancel the column: In one of his more poignant moments as a USA Today columnist, Larry King addressed the Ray Lewis issue by writing, "Sure, he did something, but enough already."

Apparently, the job simply isn't that appealing: Notre Dame was thwarted in its efforts to hire Jon Gruden, Mike Shanahan and Steve Mariucci.

And, finally, it's time to celebrate the only way we know how: The Mark Madsen Title Dance.

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at tim.keown@espnmag.com.