Flipped on the highlights the other night, saw Bruce Bochy sitting in the dugout wearing camouflage and immediately wondered if I’d mistakenly stumbled onto the Duck Hunting Channel.

Poor guy. Looked ridiculous sitting there all decked out with nothing to shoot. If Tony Gwynn had any reservations about his decision to retire, you can bet they were dashed when he saw what he would have had to wear for his home opener.

If you missed it, the Padres came out Monday wearing camouflage uniforms. San Diego is a big military town, see, and you have to keep up with current trends to make sure you’re reaching your target audience. They’ve done it several times before, but never so obviously. Or early. There’s a big difference between a late-season promotion and the home opener.

Let’s just say the sentiment is fine, the execution preposterous.

But at the risk, once again, of staring through the peephole and finding John Ashcroft, when is enough enough? And not only that, but isn’t there a reasonable issue to be raised here when it comes to the role of professional sports in the greater scheme of things?

To put it more bluntly, why is there an obligation on every ballgame to address larger issues, like war, death and remembrance?

Bud Selig issued the edict before the season to every big-league club: Continue with God Bless America during the seventh-inning stretch. Last year, for the post-Sept. 11 games, fine. Sing the song, sit down and play the game. But now it comes across as phony and contrived. They don’t sing it between the third and fourth quarters of NBA games, and it doesn’t make that league any less patriotic.

Major League Baseball has become worse than the Olympics. Seriously. Everyone was worried about the Salt Lake Games becoming a raging storm of jingoism in the wake of Sept. 11 and the onset of the War on Terror, but if you were there you really didn’t see it.

Now they’re stopping games all the time to pay tribute. I don’t know why, but a game between the Giants and Dodgers was stopped for a moment of silence in the fifth inning, with a 2-2 count to Mark Grudzielanek. Why? I’m not sure. One minute I was watching a game, the next I was looking at Dusty Baker anxiously but dutifully placing his cap over his heart while the stadium fell silent.

Then they went back to business.

Fastball up and away. Full count.

Of course, if you question this, it sounds as if you’re trivializing the enormity of the tragedy. In reality, though, all this singing and all these forced tributes are turning a tragedy into trivia.

This Week’s List

Meanwhile, Danny Ainge and John Thompson remained steadfastly unamused: Kevin Harlan, amusing himself while looking at Hugh Hefner at the Lakers game and hollering about something or other.

One reason they should forget the usual format and seed the NBA playoff teams 1 through 16: The Eastern Conference.

Damn, I had April 16 in the office pool: Juan Gonzalez went on the disabled list for the eighth time in his career on April 11.

And the team thing, the team thing is very, very important: Asked about his disappointment in being disabled so early in the season, Juan (Often) Gone said, "I’ve been injured many times and still come back to put up big numbers."

For some, Sunday begins high holy week: Get ready, because it’s just about time to go underneath the chinstrap and behind the polarized safety eyeshield to unearth the best small-college punters and wedge-busters sure to be ignored by your favorite team in next weekend’s NFL draft.

The way it looks from here: Indians-Pirates, print the tickets now.

Great moments in baseball, one in an occasional series: Kevin Mitchell standing in front of his locker, eating three fingers-full of VapoRub to ward off the evils of the common cold.

Just for the heck of it: Vicente Romo.

Two facts, connect them at your own risk: 1) the Lakers have not allowed 100 points in more than two weeks; 2) Wednesday night -- Kings 118, Warriors 116.

You look at Barry Bonds and Curt Schilling and Randy Johnson and you ask: Did last season really end?

Ah, the sounds of spring, brought to you this week by the folks at Forbes magazine: Yes, it’s April, so those must be baseball owners attempting to convince us just how horrible they are as businessmen.

And finally, if your goal is to lose money, they’re not there to help: In the past 10 days, there have been all-time low attendance marks for the Rockies and Marlins, and the worst-ever attendance at Camden Yards.

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at tim.keown@espnmag.com.