I don't care about statistics or pro potential or impact on a team's national title hopes. I know about Ken Dorsey's phenomenal record and Brad Banks' completion-to-interception ratio, but they picked the wrong year to be really, really good.

	Larry Johnson has brought the pride back to Happy Valley.

Johnson, the Penn State senior running back, runs everywhere -- around, through and over -- and every time he gets a first down or reaches the end zone he does the exact same thing: He hands the ball to the official and goes about his business.

Four times he did this last Saturday against Indiana. Sixteen times this year he's done it.

He's been there before, he'll be there again.

Refreshing, in a retro sort of way.

He's my new favorite college football player. I'm basing this on a relatively small sample of games, and there might be a hidden hip thrust or carotid-popping taunt in his background. (And, before you write in, I've never seen Banks or Dorsey shove their success in someone else's face, either.) But for overall ability and sportsmanship and class, give Johnson the trophy and let everyone pretend it still means something.

At Penn State, they're tweaking all the commonly held perceptions. The young star is acting like the classy professional while the old, venerable and venerated coach is the one going off half-cocked and acting like the world owes him something.

This Week's List

Sometimes the moral high ground is atop a pile of stinking manure: Giants managing general partner Peter Magowan told the Oakland Tribune, "There are things about Dusty Baker I know that I won't talk about publicly, because I do have integrity."

Here's a question for the existentialist in all of us: Is there such a thing as backhanded integrity?

"Sorry, Mr. Gehrig, take a seat -- ol' Pipp's feeling a lot better today": The idea that a player can't lose his job because of injury (see: Warner v. Bulger) is one of the more preposterous in sports.

Fearless NBA prediction that has nothing to do with kissing the hind end of either Kenny Smith or a rented donkey: Dallas will lose before Memphis will win.

Why he'll never measure up to Michael, Iverson, or even Scottie Pippen: While his team was losing to Atlanta on Wednesday night, Vince Carter was rehabbing his injured leg by dancing on stage with Nelly in Toronto.

This week's brain teaser: Listen to the David Wells' 911 tape with your eyes closed and take note of the number of words you can honestly understand.

Over/under: Five, not counting that word.

Every team is 5-5 and the best rivalry is between a bunch of guys whose objective in life is to find a shoe that'll add five yards: The feud between Carolina punter Todd Sauerbrun and each and every one of the Gramatica brothers (mainly Tampa's Martin) escalated this week when Sauerbrun called the whole line of Gramaticas "idiots."

I've watched college football on TBS several times this season, and I can't get one question out of my mind: Where are the studies that link people who watch Pac-10 football on a Saturday evening with people who buy Anne Murray compilations?

To make you feel better about spending all day Wednesday in that meeting with the smelly sales manager with the green teeth: To commemorate the 30th anniversary of Title IX, Cal and Stanford held a panel discussion involving current and former athletes from the schools.

Well, you know what? It's a learning experience: The score in Michigan -- Walkerville High girls 115, Hart Lakeshore Public Academy 2.

They had to run six extra suicides for giving up that one damned basket: The Walkerville High AD said, "It had the potential to be really, really bad."

Okay, so it's not funny -- except for this part: It was a playoff game, and someone needs to explain how Hart Lakeshore made the playoffs.

They get the Grizzlies and this guy, too?: Memphis, the capital of the sports world, will once again host Mike Tyson when he fights Clifford Etienne on Feb. 22 at the Pyramid.

Good news on Tommy Maddox, but there's something else you should know: Donovan McNabb thinks Maddox is a little bit of a wuss.

You can go to bed stupid, but that doesn't mean you always have to wake up that way: Shaq returns Friday night, which means Phil Jackson will get a whole lot smarter by the end of the weekend.

Maybe they should parade him around as an example of how ineffective the junk really is: Fernando Vargas was suspended for allegedly taking steroids in preparation for his fight with Oscar de la Hoya -- a fight that ended with Vargas being knocked out.

And finally, is there a spot open that weekend in the Lamson Tractor and Casino Open in Waukegan?: The New York Times says Tiger should boycott the Masters.

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at tim.keown@espnmag.com.