Come to order. Time for another meeting of The Fraternity To Dull Up The NHL. We are a loyal confederation of reactionary commentators, know-it-all writers and humorless league officials.

My fellow dullards, we have our work cut out for us these days. First off, nice job putting a lid on the excitement over hockey at the Olympics. It seems that the NHL might have attracted millions of new curious viewers. We could have been inviting, accommodating, welcoming. Thank goodness we came to our senses.

Nice job, writers and commentators, telling casual fans how stupid they are for even suggesting we do away with the red line. Oh, it was fun reading each pedantic rant. We condescended. We lectured. We told those casual fans their opinions are valueless. And, with the help of league officials, we told them that the NHL isn't nearly as good as the Olympics because, with 30 teams, the players are less skilled.

That's the way to drive them away! Hockey is such a great game -- we have to constantly be on our guard against growing popularity. We have some of the most cooperative, accessible and, yes, colorful athletes in sports. Don't let the word out. By chasing away new fans, we can continue to whine about our lack of space in sports sections.

The hockey media can't do it alone. Remember the last time the NHL had some momentum? That was in 1994, after the Rangers had just won the Stanley Cup. Some national writers outside our fraternity were calling us the new NBA. What did the league do? Stage a lockout. Genius.

So now that post-Olympic league play has begun, we must deal with the matter of Theo Fleury. He blew his top over a penalty again and HE SLAMMED THE PUCK AGAINST THE BOARDS! Have you ever heard of such violence in hockey?

Because Fleury is small, pesty, and fiery, fans have strong opinions about him. They cheer and boo. He attracts attention. In fact, Theo Fleury may be one of the handful of hockey players most Americans can name. Big danger here.

That's why I urge you to remember the watchwords of The Fraternity To Dull Up The NHL: What this game needs are a few more drab grinders. We don't want anyone sticking out here. Personality and style could attract new fans to the game and break up this little club we've got going.

So let's make sure we keep those beat writers wanting to run Fleury out of hockey. His carrying-on cost his team the game. Never mind that for half the game his teammates played as if they were skating on gravel.

Let's have some more lectures about the dignity of the game. Casual fans may laugh and point out that great portions of hockey resemble a Three Stooges eye-poking contest. Write about maturity with a straight face.

Fraternity members, before we break up this meeting, everyone stand and mumble our motto: A great game is no laughing matter.

Until we meet again.

Mike Levine is the NHL editor for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at mike.levine@espnmag.com.