You know that famous Steinberg New Yorker cover -- the one where New York City is so big, and the rest of the world disappears on the horizon? If you do, you know what's happening to the sports world. If you don't, GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE.

Sorry, I'm a New Yorker. These things slip out sometimes. Born at the top of Manhattan, weaned in Queens, pinched in Brooklyn and raised within blackout distance of football Giants games in The Bronx, I have lived and worked in the New York area for the last 23 years. I can get to either Yankee or Shea Stadium in 20 minutes. Those trips could take up to an hour, but if I tell you what the shortcuts are, I'LL HAVE TO KILL YOU.

In other words, I have some background on the subject. I can tell you that we have come to expect excellence in New York -- in our art, in our music, in our cuisine, in our literature, in our architecture. So it should come as no surprise to the rest of America that we hold our sports teams to a higher standard. Now that the Giants are going to the Super Bowl, we can claim that in the last 10 years we have sent six of our major pro sports teams to championship games: the Rangers, the Knicks, the Yankees, the Mets, the Devils and now the Giants. F---IN' JETS.

I realize that some of you out there might resent The Big Apple. The Subway Series was a little too much, I will admit. But gosh, what can you do when, year after year, your beloved Bombers make the rest of baseball look like, dare I say, the junior varsity? YANKEES RULE!

Sometimes I think maybe we should give some of this excellence back to the rest of America -- sprinkle it around to, say, Kansas City, or maybe Los Angeles. Lord knows our brethren in Boston could use a little pick-me-up. NAH, SCREW THE BEANEATERS.

We New Yorkers do have a reputation -- unfair, I say -- for being rude and arrogant and superior. Please visit our fair city and let us put these shibboleths to rest. Start spreading the news: New York, New York will welcome you with open arms. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING? LOOK UP, YA MORON.

And feel free to embrace our teams. The Knicks, coached by the feisty Jeff Van Gundy and spurred on, night after night, by the bookish-looking Latrell Sprewell. AND I THOUGHT STARKS WAS A GUNNER. The steadily improving Rangers, following the example of their diminutive genius, Theo Fleury. POWER PLAY, THEO. EVER HEAR OF IT? And how about those Giants? Not only does handsome Jason Sehorn get the best of Randy Moss and Co., but he also gets one of the best-looking girls in town, Angie Harmon. YO, CHICKIE, CHICKIE, CHICKIE.

If you come here between April and November -- October is usually a good time -- don't forget to pay homage to the pinstripers from The Bronx, men of such stellar qualities that they seem to attract the allegiance of our leading solons -- Mayor Giuliani, Senator Clinton, Matthew Broderick. DOWN IN FRONT!

But right now it's January. Our Giants are in Tampa, our Devils are in first place, our Knicks are in second and our Rangers just nipped the Flyers in OT. (Islanders? Nets? Never heard of 'em.) We're already counting the days until pitchers and catchers report to Port St. Lucie and Tampa. Was Timo a mirage? RUN THIS ONE OUT, YA LITTLE PRAWN. Will Chuck's throwing problems be a thing of the past? KNOBLAUCH, TWO WORDS: D'ANGELO JIMENEZ. WAIT, IS THAT THREE?

Anyway, we're sorry if you see us as obnoxious and greedy and overbearing. We mean no offense. We do not assume or presume or deserve any special treatment. We just try to carry ourselves with a modicum of class. And I think you'll see that should the Giants emerge victorious in Tampa. One other thing. HEY SIRAGUSA, TRY ADDING A CELERY STICK.

Steve Wulf is executive editor of ESPN The Magazine. CAN YOU EVEN SPELL 'ESPN?!' (Really, he's just kidding.) E-mail him at steve.wulf@espnmag.com.