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Two teams? They're getting rid of two major league teams?
Is that all?
Bud Selig and the major league owners are in Chicago this week, intent on dispersing the Montreal Expos and either the Minnesota Twins or the Florida Marlins. But if they're going to risk baseball meltdown by contracting without the consent of the Players Association, why stop at just two teams?
If this is all about showing the players who's boss, they might as well turn the clock back to 1960, when the bosses were the bosses and there were only eight teams in each league.
Sixteen teams. Think about it. Increased quality of play. Contracts that actually make sense. Filled stadiums. The end of home run inflation. A better chance that your owner will actually know what he's doing.
Okay, Mike Morgan might be out of a job, but hey, something's gotta give.
My proposal will require 28 cities to buy into the idea of sharing a team with another municipality, but as long as they still have pride of half-ownership, why would they object? I mean, 40 home games is still a lot. The only teams that won't have to merge are the New York teams, because, well, America needs two New York teams to hold all that love.
So here's the way the merged-up, contracted major leagues would look:
AMERICAN
NATIONAL
I know what you're thinking. Won't this upset baseball tradition? Will not this consummate contraction cause confusion, consternation and contempt?
To the contrary, once you get your mind wrapped around the idea, you'll bask in this return to simpler, easier-to-follow times, while at the same time knowing that your allegiance is shared by the brotherhood and sisterhood in another city. And you'll have a better chance of beating the Yankees without having to acquire the best two pitchers in baseball.
For those of you in minor league cities, think how good your team will become. For rotisserie players, think how exciting it will be figuring out if Jeff Shaw or Troy Percival will be the Angels Dodgers' closer. For Native Americans, think how nice it'll be to lose Chief Wahoo and the Tomahawk Chop.
There are some niggling details to work out, like what manager will take over, what Ken will play centerfield for Ohio, and what will become of such traditional logos as the Tiger, the Pirate and the funny little Reds baseball dude.
But I'm sure we can work it all out. Just like Bud and Don will.
Steve Wulf is executive editor of ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at steve.wulf@espnmag.com.
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Major League Baseball considers contraction
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