ESPN.com: MLB - Go ahead, play hooky, we won't tell

I don't know about you, but I may phone in sick Friday and join the Cubs at Wrigley Field for "Salute to Ferris Bueller Day." Although, I suppose the chances of my editors now believing such a lie probably just dropped considerably.

"Ferris Bueller," of course, is the 1986 comedy starring Matthew Broderick in the title role as an impossibly clever high school student who plays hooky one day so that he may, in addition to a staggering array of activities, attend a game at Wrigley Field. That one scene is guaranteed to produce more envy among the audience than a love scene with Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Before leaving the house, you must call your office and speak to your boss with a voice so hoarse that it sounds as if you just swallowed Don Zimmer's chaw. 'Can't come to work,' you must say. 'Sick. Very sick. Terribly sick. And did I mention contagious?'

Ahhhh, playing hooky at a baseball game. Does the ballpark ever seem half so inviting as when you're supposed to be somewhere else working? Does the crack of the bat and the pop of the glove ever sound so melodious as when you're trapped in a cubicle listening to two co-workers chat about the previous night's episode of "Just Shoot Me?" Is the line at the unemployment office ever so short as when the Cubs are playing a matinee?

That's the beauty of baseball. With the routine scheduling of midweek day games, baseball allows fans to chuck aside their responsibilities for an afternoon and seek refuge from the world's pressures in the grandstand. So what if the boss wants you to write a program that blocks office access to ESPN.com by the end of the day? Work can wait when the sun is shining, the wind is blowing out and Sammy is stepping into the batters box.

And you don't need to worry if you sneak out of the office. You're entitled. In fact, most union contracts and management benefit plans grant you permission to skip at least one day a summer to go to the ballpark. You just have to strictly follow the rules.

Before leaving the house, you must call your office and speak to your boss with a voice so hoarse that it sounds as if you just swallowed Don Zimmer's chaw. "Can't come to work," you must say. "Sick. Very sick. Terribly sick. And did I mention contagious? Doctor forbids me to leave the house. Don't bother calling to check up on me -- won't have the strength to answer the phone. But I'll be in tomorrow first thing."

Your boss must pretend to believe your lie as long as you promise to bring a souvenir program to the office the next day.

Once inside the ballpark, you may not bring up the subject of work except when elbowing your friend and saying, "What do you think those suckers are doing at the office right now?"

You may attempt to catch a foul ball (as Ferris does) but remember, the cameras likely will focus on you and broadcast your presence to your office, forcing you to cover your face with your hands as if the FBI just arrested you on racketeering charges.

When your boss asks how you feel at work the next day, you must wink and say, "Fine. Must have been one of those nine-inning bugs."

And now, if you'll excuse me -- the sky is as blue as the Dodgers caps, the vendors are as fully stocked as a Michigan Militia basement, Matthew Broderick is leaning out the press box to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and damn, if my throat isn't suddenly a little bit hoarse.

Box score line of the week
Detroit's Damion Easley hit for the cycle. Anaheim's Scott Schoeneweis tied a team record by hitting four batters in one game. Colorado's Mike Hampton homered three times in two starts. But in searching for the week's best boxscore lines, we leave no stone of the baseball world unturned.

Thus, this week's winner is 12-year-old Robert Knight of Harper Woods, Mich., who pitched a truly perfect game by striking out every batter he faced last week. His line:

6 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 18 K

Lies, damn lies and statistics
Ichiro note of the week: Our man homered for his 100th hit in Seattle's 61st game Sunday, matching Darin Erstad for the quickest 100 hits since Heinie Manush in 1934. Ichiro is on pace to break George Sisler's single-season record of 257, but so was Erstad and he didn't come particularly close. ... Supporters of interleague play always point to the few cities where natural rivalries make it work while ignoring the cities where no one cares. For instance, the one National League game last Friday night (St. Louis at Colorado) outdrew all but two interleague games. The fact is interleague play is becoming as dull as an AFC-NFC matchup and is making a joke of the schedule. The Mariners play the last place Padres nearly as many games (six) as they play Cleveland (seven). And which opponents a team plays is apparently up to its marketing department. Forget the extra home-home series between the New York and Ohio teams, how come the Royals have a series with an NL West opponent? ... The Mariners' winning streak ended at 15 Saturday night, matching the 1991 Twins and Atlanta in 2000 for the longest in the past decade. In between the Mariners losses, the Democrats gained control of the Senate while Seattle increased its AL West lead from 10 to 17 games. By the way, you can listen to that Twins streak end by renting "A Few Good Men." There's a scene where Tom Cruise is watching the Orioles game on the TV and if you pay close attention, you'll hear then-Twins broadcaster Ted Robinson describe an Orioles ninth inning rally against closer Rick Aguilera to end the streak at 15.

From left field
Jim Tobin is the only pitcher to ever hit three home runs in one game, and he did it after hitting a pinch-hit homer the game before, giving him four homers in five at-bats. Mike Hampton nearly matched him with two home runs last Tuesday and another Sunday. Hampton's power surge gave him more home runs than any pitcher has hit since Bob Gibson in 1972. It also put him ahead of Wes Ferrell's pace for most home runs in a season by a pitcher (nine).

Here are the pitchers who homered at least seven times in a season:

Year Pitcher HR The skinny

1931 Wes Ferrell 9 Hit 39 career homers, most of any pitcher

1935 Wes Ferrell 7 Outhomered Babe Ruth, 7-6

1949 Bob Lemon 7 One fewer than Ted Kluszewski

1955 Don Newcombe 7 Had two 2-HR games

1958 Don Drysdale 7 Hit 29 in his career

1965 Don Drysdale 7 One fewer than 1B Wes Parker

1966 Earl Wilson 7 Hit 35 in his career

1968 Earl Wilson 7 Outhomered Roger Maris, 6-5

Win Blake Stein's money
This week's category is: They Must Have Changed Their Lucky Underwear As Seldom As A French Art Student.

Q. What's the longest winning streak in big-league history?

Power rankings

1. Mariners
Ichiro takes All-Star lead -- and, oddly, Pat Buchanan second among AL outfielders.

2. Rally Monkey
Best performance by a primate since Roddy McDowell.

3. Joe Mauer
Carl Pohlad offers top pick $100,000 and a Kirby bobblehead doll.

4. Cubs
We're still waiting for "Salute to Lee Elia Day."

5. Mike Hampton
Billy Crystal already working on HBO new movie: "9*"

6. Lakers
Good: They take 2-1 series lead. Bad: Early clinch would give Shaq more time in recording studio.

7. George Bush

Last month: T-ball on south lawn. This week: Mets visit White House. Next: Dick Cheney Bobblehead Day.

8. Yankees
Disgusted Steinbrenner's first desperate move: Bring back George Costanza.

9. Felipe Alou
The bad news: Montreal fired you. The good news: Montreal fired you.

10. Global warming
Augusts could get real unpleasant for Diamondbacks.

A. The 1916 New York Giants won 26 games in a row, all in September, all at home. The streak, unfortunately, moved them only from last place to fourth place, seven games out.

Voice of summer

"Bush wants things to go well while he's in Europe. He's hoping to introduce tee-ball to France."

-- David Letterman on our baseball fan-in-chief

Jim Caple is a Senior Writer for ESPN.com.

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