(Cue the blurry, dream-sequence video.)
There's Rex Ryan at the Super Bowl podium, speaking to 2,000 media types and a worldwide audience. The over-under on how long it takes him to predict a victory? About 30 seconds into his first news conference. With his oversized personality, he's the biggest thing to hit Texas since oil.
Now we're at media day at Cowboys Stadium.
Look, there's Mexican TV personality Ines Sainz, doing her thing. She's interviewing the same players and coaches that infamously fawned over her at the start of the season. Awk-ward. Gentlemen, remember your workplace sensitivity training. After all, your owner spent good money on it.
They're standing shoulder to shoulder on the field, demonstrating the art of the sideline trip.
There's Sal Alosi, conducting a joint news conference with Nolan Carroll of the Miami Dolphins. They're outside the stadium because Alosi is banned; he's on a double-indefinite suspension. He and Carroll are promoting their new website -- Legendsofthefall.com.
Over there, that's special-teams coordinator Mike Westhoff, ripping the New England Patriots. Just because.
Braylon Edwards is doing backflips for photographers.
LaDainian Tomlinson is dazzling the Green Bay media, reciting his favorite Lombardi speeches.
Owner Woody Johnson is huddling with commissioner Roger Goodell, asking how much he owes the league in unpaid fines.
Bart Scott is telling anybody with a microphone that he can't wait to face the Packers can't wait to hear Christina Aguilera sing the national anthem can't wait until the next media session.
Santonio Holmes is conducting his interview session with his arms spread like wings, making like an airplane.
Listen closely, Antonio Cromartie is giving his take on the economy and the crisis in Egypt: "&@%*! %&@#$."
Vernon Gholston is doing nothing.
Jason Taylor is dancing.
Darrelle Revis is calling Donald Driver a "slouch." And Greg Jennings. And Big Kris Jenkins is injured, but he's moonlighting for the Food Network, giving demos on how to prepare, cook and eat Cheeseheads.
Ryan will make a guest appearance with Jenkins during the week, closing his segment with, "Let's go get a g------ snack."
Ah, yes, the Jets would've owned this week. Ryan & Co. were made for the Super Bowl, a trash-talking, hard-knocking team that knows how to have fun. And they would've given the Packers a game, too. Remember, they played their worst offensive game of the year against them on Halloween and lost only 9-0.
Maybe it would've been different in Super Bowl XLV. We'll never know because the circus never made it to town.