|Dear Anna -- Outtakes|
From the mailbag
It's Christmas Eve. I should probably be out at some party. Instead I'm alone, watching It's A Wonderful Life, and sitting here writing this. George Bailey is just about to jump off the bridge. If I ever considered jumping off a bridge (not that I would), I'd want my guardian angel to be Anna (instead of that old Clarence guy - he's not quite as inspiring.) Nothing in this world or of the heavens could convince me more that life is worth living than seeing the beautiful Anna standing before me …
Dear Fellow Page 2ers:
I posed this question to my beautiful wife.
"Dear, why should Anna Kournikova, the only woman, next to you, who makes my knees buckle, the only fantasy I've ever truly wished for outside of the wonderful 14 years we've spent together. Why should she go out on a date with me?"
My wife looked up at me from the magazine she was reading and said in a very pronounced tone ... "Because I said you can." She then went right back to the magazine. Wow, I already am the luckiest!
For all the times the Sports Guy never wrote me back. For all the "here's looking at yous" that you guys never considered. And for all the lame-duck answers I've given for the 'what were they thinking's." This would be sweet justification.
... I would imagine the date starting out at a very nice restaurant, something in the neighborhood of, say, Red Lobster ... after this, a long romantic drive in my parents' Taurus to seal the deal ...
I can show Anna a lifestyle she's never seen ... Ramen noodles and Natural Light beer.
I don't know. I'm not Russian. I can't skate. I can't wear leather pants. I can't make moles look sexy … But, I would have to be stupid not to send something in to this contest.
In college, I celebrated the glory of Anna on Halloween by dressing like her and proudly wearing a long blonde wig … My mother often tells the story at family occasions about my first word, "Anna." With speech lessons and hard practice, I also learned to say, "Kournikova." Thus began my love affair ...
... my mullet is fully hatched and my f-250 was just detailed.
We go together like top shelf vodka and cheap tonic.
Anna Kournikova should go on a date with me because I bet I'm the only person responding with two different colored eyes and eyebrows! (All biological,which makes myself very unique) ...
... I'm a freshman in community college and I still live with my parents. Please give me a shot, I need to get out of the house for a night. If not, at least send me The Sports Guy's autograph.
I like Russian dressing and vodka … and I'm funny when I'm on both of them.