| | | Chris Weinke brought home the Heisman Trophy this weekend, winning college athletics' most prestigious award a full decade after he first stepped on the Florida State campus, or a slightly shorter span of time that it took Bluto Blutarsky to pass freshman English. At 28, Weinke is the oldest Heisman winner in history.
|  | | Chris Weinke became the oldest Heisman winner, by five years over Billy Sims. |
A 28-year-old Heisman Trophy winner. What a great thing. Suddenly, I feel young enough again to drink an entire keg of Budweiser through a funnel and surgical hose while my dormmates penny the R.A. into her room.
Fans old enough to remember when MTV actually showed music videos welcomed Weinke's selection Saturday. What with the way kids have taken over the wide, wide world of sports the past couple years, we desperately need a 28-year-old Heisman winner with a receding hairline. Thanks to the recent baby boom, kids so dominate sports that Tiger Woods might already be eligible for the senior tour.
I'm not exactly sure when this world takeover began, but I suspect it coincided with Nolan Ryan's retirement. All I know is that every athlete suddenly looks suspiciously like Haley Joel Osment.
Alex Rodriguez is about to become the highest-paid athlete in history, at age 25 (or 24, if you're using one of those special Scott Boras desk calendars). And when a guy with A-Rod's look and talent adds $240 million to his bank account, the youth movement officially has a new poster boy ... for at least another six months.
Kevin Garnett and Kobe Bryant, age 24 and 22, are considered elder statesman in the NBA, where teams prefer that their first round draft picks still have umbilical cords attached. Tara Lipinski retired from competitive skating at age 16.
And don't even bring up the women's tennis circuit. If those players were any younger, Luis Polonia would invite them up to his room for a nightcap.
Fortunately, an ever-so-slight reversal to this trend began last month.
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Thanks to the recent
baby boom, kids so dominate sports that Tiger Woods might already be eligible for the
senior tour. |
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First, Seattle reliever Kazu Sasaki won the American League Rookie of the Year award at age 32 (with Seattle outfielder Ichiro Suzuki the early favorite to win the award next year at age 28). Now along comes Weinke, winning the Heisman Trophy at an age long after most people have defaulted on their student loans.
Some Heisman voters supposedly held Weinke's age against him, claiming it gave him an advantage over his younger opponents. Rubbish. Rather than cause for suspicion, Weinke's age is reason for celebration. It's a validation of experience and perseverance over early, instant gratification.
Weinke won the Heisman by returning to college after seven years riding buses in the minor leagues. He won by returning for his senior season after leading his team to the national championship. He won by enduring four years of tiresome wisecracks about his age ("Hey Chris, can I borrow your 'Hall and Oates Greatest Hits' eight-track?"). And he won by showing that sports success is not reserved exclusively for athletes young enough to endorse Clearasil.
Congratulations, Chris (and good luck with rookie hazing at training camp next summer). You've been an inspiration to generations of older fans who spend each weekend wondering where their favorite players went and spend each morning wondering where all that hair in the shower drain comes from. You've made us all feel young and strong and fit enough to appear in a Gap commercial.
And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go ride my Razor scooter to the market for my weekly supply of Advil.
Jim Caple of the Seattle Union Record is a regular contributor to Page 2. He also writes a weekly "Off Base" column for ESPN.com's baseball page.
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ESPN's Chris Fowler sits down with this year's Heisman winner Chris Weinke.