The long wait is over! At last, Ginger's identity is revealed! We finally know what it is! Dean Kamen unveiled his long-awaited invention Monday and after months of Internet hype (Ginger will change society as we know it!) and speculation (it is an anti-gravity personal glider!), the invention turns out to be a ... battery-powered scooter capable of going 17 mph. If you missed out on Betamax, consider this your big opportunity.

	Dean Kamen demonstrates his Segway Human Transporter, a one-person, battery-powered scooter, Monday.

Kamen says his Segway Human Transporter (catchy name, huh?) will revolutionize transportation, that it will be to the car what the car was to the horse and buggy. From the sounds of it, though, the scooter more likely will be what Bob Davie was to Notre Dame football. At 17 mph, the Segway HT is too slow to ride in a street and too fast for a sidewalk. Probably just about right for a Detroit Lions defensive back, though.

But I've learned never to rule out anything in this world. Maybe there is room for a one-person gyro-operated scooter. After all, who would have ever dreamed there would be a Regis Philbin workout tape?

In the meantime, imagine what the Segway HT would be like had others invented it.

The Bud Selig Commissioner's Model HT: Rather than provide transportation, this scooter complains constantly about rising fuel prices, as well as the lack of parking and outdated drive-thru facilities, then eliminates the desired destination from your schedule so you don't have to go there.

The Marty Schottenheimer Model HT: Takes you five miles in the wrong direction, then turns around and takes you right back to where you started.

The Michael Jordan Air HT 2001: Back by popular demand! Other than a different paint job and the miles on the speedometer, this scooter is just like the best-selling 1984-'93 and '95-'98 models, only slower with poor mileage and prone to frequent breakdowns.

The Anna Kournikova Model HT: The '57 Corvette of human transporters! This sleek, gorgeous model is the scooter every American male covets! This model does not actually provide transportation, but it looks so good parked in your driveway that the neighbors will drool until the storm drains back up.

	Scene from the future: Everyone wears vests, khakis and helmets at dork scooter parks.

The Nate Newton Pathfinder HT: With plenty of cargo space, this is the one to get when hauling several hundred pounds of illegal drugs.

The Randy Moss Model HT: Capable of going 0 to 60 in five seconds! Can stop on a dime! Able to weave in and out of traffic with the daring precision of a Le Mans race driver or a New York cabbie! (Warning: Only operates when it feels like it, which is about nine days a year.)

The Jose Canseco 380ZX HT: Flashy, sporty model is perfect for long stretches on the highway, particularly lonely stretches of Montana. Maximum speed: 170 mph. Minimum speed:115 mph. Not recommended for teens.

The Casey Martin Disability HT: Slow, steady and banned by the PGA Tour.

The Miami Hurricane Model HT: The country's No. 1-rated scooter. Travels faster and farther than any other model, holds up over the long haul and best of all, nothing gets in its way! Runs over pedestrians, the homeless and children, flattens huskies and orange men. Able to travel cross-country from Miami to Pasadena on a single charge.

And finally ...

The Phil Rizzuto Signature Scooter: Much like the man's stories during a Yankees rain delay, this scooter doesn't go anywhere. Instead, it just makes a dull noise while going around in endless circles

Jim Caple is a senior writer for Page 2.