Beginning to smell a lot like Christmas
By Jim Caple
Page 2 columnist

It's Friday, Dec. 20. You have four shopping days left until Christmas. Which means, for most of you, that you'll have to get serious about shopping in about three days.

Looking for a gift for that special someone or a toy for that special 28-year-old general manager? Well, you won't find it among these least favorite items on everyone's Christmas list ...

Least favorite toy

  • Tickle Me Hootie

    • Least favorite games

  • Rock'em Sock'em Teammates, featuring Barry Bonds and Jeff Kent

  • Bud Selig All-Star Strat-O-Matic 2002

    • Gary Bettman
    For some reason I doubt Action Gary has the kung-fu grip
    Least favorite dolls

  • Dugout Patch Kids (featuring adorable Darren Baker, who walks, talks and asks J.T. Snow to pick him up and hug him)

  • Fairy Tale Barbie with Pete Rose hair

  • Gary Bettman Inaction Figure

    • Least favorite stuffed animal

  • The Rally Maggot

    • Least favorite calendars

  • The Women of Augusta swimsuit calendar

  • Male Cheerleaders of the NFL page-a-day calendar

  • The World's Most Beautiful Miniature Golf Courses boxed calendar

    • Least favorite miscellaneous gifts

  • Season tickets to the Charlotte Hornets

  • Terrell Owens Pen Set (guaranteed to write anywhere)

    • Least favorite CD

  • "NBA Jam VI: Gangsta Rap with the Barry Brothers: Jon, Brent and Drew''

    • Least favorite Christmas carols

  • "Rudolph the Steroid Reindeer'' (none of the other reindeer laughed or called him names, and they always drafted Rudolph first to play in all their reindeer games)

    • Least favorite holiday specials

  • "Frosty the Hall of Famer''

  • "The Year Without a Commissioner''

  • "A Charlie Batch Christmas''

    • Least favorite tradition

  • Lighting the Christmas weed at Portland's Rose Garden

    • Jim Caple is a senior writer for ESPN.com.


    GIFTS TO AVOID

    ALSO SEE:

    Jim Caple Archive

    Caple: Cleaning out an old friend

    Caple: The mind of the harried fan

    Caple: The road to Hell is paved with SUVs

    Caple: Move over, Cheech & Chong

    Caple: Showin' them who's Boss





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