February 27, 2003
To: The perpetrators of Page 2
From: A team of expensive, aggressive, killer lawyers representing the well-known tennis star and sexual icon Anna Kournikova
It has come to our attention that Page 2 recently conducted a contest to name the "hottest" female athlete and neglected to include our client.
This, of course, is a travesty and a heinous offense against a fine young woman, some of whose best moments have come on Page 2 (as opposed, of course, to the tennis court). We refer to the Anna quiz, the day in the life of Anna photo essay, the preview of the Anna workout video, and, of course, literally thousands of other well-hit stories.
Not only that, but our client has been a big fan of Page 2 since its rocky beginnings more than two years ago. She stayed with you through your early quote-of-the-day era and when her tennis career is over, she is considering a writing career as the Sports Gal.
But for what has this loyalty been rewarded with? To be eliminated from the "Are You Hot?" competition without even being afforded a chance to defend her title?
Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy. You have two options:
(1) We will sue you for every penny you have, and take possession of Page 2, renaming it Page Anna (which, we are sure, will only increase traffic and quality); or ...
(2) You can arrange a fair and equitable competition between our client and Ms. Jennie Finch, ASAP.
Let the people's voice be heard!
The Law Firm of Giuliani & Cochran