Taking a page out of LT's book
By Patrick Hruby
Page 2 columnist

Wild partying. Copious cocaine use. Sending call girls to his opponents' hotel rooms before games. As Lawrence Taylor's new biography "LT: Over the Edge" makes clear, the former New York Giants linebacker was a bad customer both on and off the field. How bad? A Page 2 special investigation -- read: fabrication -- has uncovered the awful truth, revelations so stunning that neither LT nor his publisher want them to be revealed. At least not until "LT: Off the Edge, and Plunging to My Doom, so Prepare to be Shocked" hits the shelves:

Lawrence Taylor
LT also borrowed his image from 'Any Given Sunday'.

  • July, 1998: Orders six DVDs for 99 cents from Columbia House as "Lawrence Taylor," then orders six more to the same address under the name "Taylor Lawrence."

  • August, 1991: Chews with mouth open. Rests elbows on table for the entire meal.

  • October, 1986: Hits the buttons for each and every floor in the Giants Stadium elevator. When team owner Wellington Mara gets on, jumps out and runs away.

  • December, 1986: Calls coach Bill Parcells a "homo."

  • January, 1984-August, 2002: Takes approximately $3.49 from 7-11's "take a penny, leave a penny" jar, without leaving a single cent in return.

  • July, 1993: Waits for 3,118 miles to take his car to Jiffy Lube; subsequently stops at Midas, where he pays "a lot" for his muffler.

  • March, 1990: Unable to procure crack cocaine, smokes a Willy Wonka Gobstopper instead. Vows to give up "rock candy."

  • September, 1989: Offers Joe Montana a post-game handshake, only to pull his hand away at the last second and make the "sike" gesture while stroking his imaginary hair.

  • July, 1988: Clogs locker room toilet and declines to use nearby plunger; blames Jumbo Elliott for the subsequent mess.

  • April, 1996: Drives 21 mph through a 15 mph school zone. With a broken taillight.

  • December, 2001: Carries two armfuls' worth of groceries from his car to his building; neglects to thank neighbor for holding the door open.

  • June, 1991: Waits in line and pays full price to see the failed Ed O'Neill star vehicle "Dutch." Thoroughly enjoys the film.

  • September 1998-February 2001: Goes two-and-a-half years without flossing.

  • September, 1988: Votes for Michael Dukakis.

  • May, 1995: During family Monopoly night, surreptitiously collects $250 after passing GO.

  • October, 1988: Picks up phone and attempts to send escorts to Steve Deberg's hotel room; in a drug-induced haze, sends a large veggie pizza and General Tso's chicken instead.

    Patrick Hruby is a sportswriter for the Washington Times. You can reach him at phrub@yahoo.com.


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