Inspired by Tiger's Wonderful Sunday at Augusta two weekends ago -- you know, the one after which he walked off with a $1 million check, a green jacket and Elin Nordegren -- Page 2 obsessively began to comtemplate a profound philosophical question:

Who is the luckiest man alive?

And so we present the first round of our first annual LMA competition, a single-elimination match-play event, with the semis scheduled for next Monday and the finals for next Wednesday. As usual, we need your help ... though all you have to do is vote in the polls at the right of each pairing.

As they say at Kmart, for your shopping convenience, we've seeded the eight fortunate entrants, and provided you with a comprehensive handicapping guide to help you vote intelligently. Be sure to vote, 'cause if you don't, you can't complain about the results.

Here's the first of four matchups:

Tiger Woods Seed: 1 Age: 26 Occupation: World's No. 1 golfer Nordegren Significant other: Currently dating Swedish model Elin Nordegren. ... Formerly dated UCLA law student Joanna Jagoda. ... Married to Nike for the past six years. Why we'd want to be this dude: Well, duh. First off, he's got a license to print money for the next 40 years, thanks to his unbelievable endorsement potential. (Remember, Arnold Palmer was still earning millions decades after his last big win.) ... And what man wouldn't want to be the best golfer in the history of the sport? Page 2 dreams about donning El Tigre's red polo on a Sunday at Augusta and watching all the "competition" scamper to get out of his way. ... And in case you haven't noticed, his girlfriend is kind of cute. Why we wouldn't want to be this dude: Have we mentioned his father, Earl? The guy introduced Tiger to the sport when he was nine months old and had him putting on the "Mike Douglas Show" at age 2. We'd call that just a tad overbearing. ... At some point, winning all those tournaments has got to get a little bit boring. ... Green jackets don't go with anything. ... His hairline is starting to retreat like Phil Mickelson in the final round of a major. ... Quickly replacing Michael Jordan as the one athlete who can't go anywhere without being recognized -- and we'd miss our privacy. ... Finally, can you imagine the pre-nup this guy's going to need?

Wayne Gretzky Seed: 8 Age: 41 Occupation: Retired NHL superstar Significant other: Married actress Janet Jones in July 16, 1988, in Canada's version of the Royal Wedding. Why we would want to be this dude: Well, he's indisputably the greatest hockey player who ever lived. He won four Stanley Cups and owns every meaningful record for skaters in the sport. ... He was already the Michael Jordan of Canada -- and then he directed Team Canada to the gold medal in the 2002 Winter Games. ... He's over 40 and he still looks great -- as does his wife. ... Page 2 hasn't forgotten "American Anthem" or "The Flamingo Kid." ... Who wouldn't wanted to be called "The Great One" everywhere you go. Why we wouldn't want to be this dude: He was never able to win another Cup after leaving Edmonton -- something that Messier will always be able to hold over his head. ... Jones was injured when the protective glass shattered at a Rangers game, and any man who can't protect his woman ain't much of a man (or so Tony Soprano once told Page 2 over a plate of scungili). ... Has had to listen to "O Canada" more times than we'd like to think.