|Look into my eyes|
From the Page 2 mailbag
It's tough to cope with a loss in the NFL playoffs, but San Francisco 49ers coach Steve Mariucci took it especially hard after being knocked out by the Packers.
We received more than 800 responses, and the best caption suggestions are below:
"The fans will have a field day with this. Especially since I just watched 'American Pie 2.' I just can't believe I super-glued myself to myself. Crap!"
"Let Ms. Cleo tell your future! Ah! Looks like trouble be brewing in Lambeau. Right, honey?"
"Finkle and Einhorn, in it together, but how? Come on, think! Finkle, Einhorn ... Einhorn, Finkle ..."
Steve Mariucci finally understood what his mom meant when she told him his face was gonna get stuck like that after coaching Terrell Owens that long.
When asked what he was going to do during the offseason, Mariucci replied "We'll I'm auditioning for a remake of 'Scanners' this week. I think I've got a shot at it too. Check this out!"
Steve Mariucci contemplates his future after being turned down for the managerial position at the San Franciso Dairy Queen.
"So Terrell, when you look over at the sidelines and you see me doing this, that means quit dancing, shut the heck up and just catch the ball!"
"I see dead people."
"If I concentrate hard enough, maybe Brett Favre's head will explode!"
"Green Bay Packers ... Terrell Owens ... salary cap ... things I would like to see burn in hell.
"Terrell, look into my eyes ... you are getting very sleepy ... you are under my command ... you will stop being the biggest jackass in sports ..."
"Yes ... I could play an evil Tom Hanks, see?
"So then I tried the Jedi Mind Trick on Brett Favre, but that didn't work ..."
"Mike Sherman, I am talking to you. Cut Brett Favre, cut Brett Favre, cut Brett Favre ..."
Pushing back the skin on his forehead, Steve Mariucci tries to see what he will look like after he visits Jerry Jones' plastic surgeon in the offseason.
"Well, Regis, I'd like to use a lifeline."
Thinking: "Mom always said if you're nervous and flustered speaking in front of a group, try to picture them in their underwear ... picture them in their underwear ... picture them ... oh, God, these are reporters?"
Trying to make a bad situation better, Steve tries to do a imitation of the Classic Robin Williams character of Mork from "Mork and Mindy," hoping that Jonathan Winters can help him out ...
Next week on Dr. Demento ...
"How does The Rock get his eyebrow to raise that high?"
Knowing the word had been overused this season, Steve Mariucci wracks his brain for a synonym for "diddly-poo."
"Look into my eyes and you shall be hypnotized to forget about the horrible sweater I am wearing ..."
San Jose, Calif.
They knew coach Mariucci had snapped when he went into "Joan Crawford" mode, refusing to answer any questions until the reporters called him "Moochie Dearest."
Mariucci, realizing he's the only prominent sports figure yet to be featured in Page 2's "Here's Looking at You" section, does his best Darth Maul impersonation, hoping someone will take notice.
"The reason we lost to Green Bay? Gee, I dunno, let me see if I can put my finger on it."
"Right now, I'm going to read Terrell Owens' mind ... OK, that takes care of those three seconds, where was I?"
"The Horror, The Horror ..."
What will Rachel do when she finds out Joey is in love with her?
"Serenity Now ... Serenity Now ..."
And here is the real caption from The Associated Press: San Francisco 49ers coach Steve Mariucci listens to a question about Sunday's playoff loss to the Green Bay Packers, during a news conference Monday, Jan. 14 at 49ers headquarters in Santa Clara, Calif. (AP Photo/Paul Sakuma)