|Quite a one-timer|
From the Page 2 mailbag
Is Tiger Woods filming "Slap Shot III" or "Happy Gilmore II"? Or is he just trying to give the rest of the PGA Tour a chance?
Charles Barkley: "Those racist PGA commissioners are at it again. Now they're making Tiger use a hockey stick. What's a brother gonna do with a hockey stick?"
OK, fine! I'm tired of winning with regular golf clubs! I'll just beat everyone using this one hockey stick. After that, I'll use a rake. After that, maybe a pool cue. After that, Manute Bol!
It seemed like the perfect fit at first -- Tiger needed a stronger caddy, and Eric Lindros needed work.
... and a chill goes up the spine of every NHL goalie.
Win all four majors? Done it. Score 50 goals a year? No problem. Fix the New York Rangers? That's too much even for me.
"Just a Cinderella story, coming out of nowhere. Cinderella story, here at Augusta, second shot, 18th hole, 185 yards, looks like he has .... a KOHO! ... It's in the hole!"
And here we see Tiger Woods getting ready for his round of golf with Bob Barker.
Tiger calling his shot in a $500,000 grudge match with David Duval: "Using a hockey stick, off the Lexus hubcap, banging the fire hydrant, over the Brooklyn Bridge, banking off a garbage truck into the hole."
The New York Rangers announce yet another high-priced free-agent signing with questionable hockey skills.
Hey, Happy, somebody's clooooser ...
To stay in the playoffs, the Red Wings recruit Patrick Roy's worst nightmare -- a 300-yard slap shot with a little fade.
"Dang. Pulled it."
... unfortunately, Tiger's amazing 800-yard hole-in-one was disallowed because of icing ...
Wayne Gretzky ... ain't ... got ... nothin' ... on ... me.
"... so there I was hitting the golf ball with the hockey stick, and Mickelson is telling me he just won his first major, when I woke up."
"That's it, Fluff, you're fired!"
Tiger Woods introduces the new Nike Back & Butt Scratcher (TM). Available in fine men's stores or wherever Preparation H is sold.
Colin Montgomerie immediately complained that Tiger had an unfair advantage, and then blamed the Canadian fans for encouraging such "uncouth" behavior.
We all wonder: "Does Casey Martin get to use a Zamboni?"
Somewhere, Tiger's drinking buddy, Keith Tkachuk, is skating up ice with a 3 wood.
Tiger's switch to Nike irons goes horribly wrong.
"Now I gotta find Bob Barker, so I can tell him 'The Price is Wrong, Bitch!' "
"... and then the Lama said to me, 'Unga Galunga Gagunga ... at least I got that goin' for me."
Too busy to check references, Tiger Woods pays the price by hiring Ian Woosnam's old caddie.
This is what happens when your girlfriend's Swedish.
As a sign that his best days are clearly behind him, Ed Belfour gives up a goal to Tiger Woods from 310 yards away.
Tiger makes good on his bet that if he doesn't win his fourth straight Memorial, he'll spank himself with a hockey stick in front of 20 lucky contest winners.
Tiger Woods prepares for his first tournament since Vince McMahon purchased the PGA tour.
Tiger Woods wins a bet with Fuzzy Zoeller by beating him in a round of golf using nothing but a hockey stick, umbrella, and spatula.
"Jack's course, Jack's tournament, he deserves a chance."
As further proof of The Sports Guy's theory that women ruin everything, Elin Nordegren has apparently convinced Tiger to give up golf in favor of a game closer to her gorgeous, Scandinavian heart.
Adam Sandler wanted too much money, so they hired a virtual unknown in the world of comedy to star in "Happy Gilmore II."
And here is the real caption from Reuters: Golfer Tiger Woods uses a hockey stick to hit a golf ball during a promotional stop May 27 in Toronto. Woods is promoting a new American Express credit card that bears his likeness. American Express intends to donate $1 of the new cards yearly subscriptions fees to the "Tiger Woods Foundation" to help benefit Canadian youth. REUTERS/Andrew Wallace