"I would do anything for this body!", he exclaimed as he leafed through a magazine.
Darren Rovell, ESPN.com's sports business writer and my best friend at work, said that as we were flying cross-country a few weeks ago.
|Don't judge Bachelor Bob by the percentage of his body fat.|
Thinking he was going to show me a buxom blonde in a bikini, I glanced over at the Men's Health glossy he was reading.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?," I yelled.
"Keep your voice down," he said. "We're on a plane."
"Are you kidding me?" I quietly yelled.
It was Mr. Myoplex. My friend was sweaty, upset and depressed because he doesn't look like Mr. Myoplex.
"Well, why not?" he asked.
The truth is, Darren, that some girls like guys who aren't so body-perfect. I'm talking about a man with a little meat on his bones. You know, Sexy Chubby?
|You don't have to be in some lame boy band to be sexy.|
Buff, svelte, ripped -- sure, it's all good. Maybe even very good! But the time and energy the average Joe expends to get that look might say something about the man's priorities. Me, Me and then Me.
I can, and will, give you plenty of Sexy Chubby examples in a minute. But I want to explain something first.
I take issue with what we're doing to Bob, ABC's new Bachelor. I mean, what was wrong with the chubby, funny Bob? Looking at Bachelor Bob and his lower body-fat content makes me wonder if we'll get a scaled-down sense of humor from him now, too. Seriously, do you know one formerly fat person who is cooler thin than he was when he was fat? Al Roker included! Bob, don't go changin' to try and please us! You were an ideal chubby-sexy!
Same goes for the sexy chubby (okay, fine, he's sexy obese) "American Idol," Ruben Studdard. There's no telling what a few weeks with a personal trainer will do for him, but would we really want Ruben to weigh his 2-0-5 area code? I'm not so sure. I say Ruben, move to Miami, you're perfect at 3-0-5.
In honor of Bachelor Bob and Ruben, a few of us girls here at ESPN.com racked our brains and weighed in on the top 10 sports and pop culture guys who fit the Sexy Chubby description. Look, we still want you boys to have a complex about something, but for today ... Go ahead. Eat that cupcake!
1. Charles Barkley, TNT Sportscaster
|If Charles is worried about his figure he should stop sitting next to Tiger.|
First, Sir Charles made being bald sexy. Now, well beyond his playing weight, he's leading the charge to make chubby sexy. Personally, I'm astounded by his PDD (Public Display of Dieting). Charles, baby, you've never looked better. Don't get me wrong, no need to keep downing the donuts; you're walking that fine line, already. We wouldn't want any excess baggage to ... ahem, interfere with your golf swing. Right now, you're the sexiest damn sportscaster, period. You're TNT, baby, Jimmy Walker, dy-no-mite!
2. Phil Mickelson, Professional Golfer
Call me a sucker for a pretty face, but I couldn't think of a better chubby for the No. 2 spot. I'd gladly overlook the 36B's for .. well, here's the thing: Phil has perfect teeth. Perfectly straight, perfectly white. A smile doesn't get more intoxicating unless you're counting John Daly's grin on any given weekday afternoon. And Phil's bronzed skin is smoother than Augusta's greens! Amy, I'm with you babe, you got yourself a good one!
3. Steve Mariucci, Head Coach, Detroit Lions
For all of you under the impression that I don't think like a girl, I give you this: Mooch and the Lions are a marriage made in heaven. Why? Because his baby blues match the Lions' uniforms, of course. Hey, the games may not be pretty, but at least the coach is!
4. Warren Sapp, Defensive Tackle, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Perhaps the No. 1 thing Sapp has in common with Bucs' head coach Jon Gruden (who, with a couple of cheeseburgers could be a shoe-in for this list!) is his scowl. We're definitely diggin' the whole not-so-gentle-giant appeal. One word of advice, though. Granted, I'm no fashion maven. But Warren . . . while you're out sacking quarterbacks, sack the Bill Cosby sweaters too. Halftime at the Fiesta Bowl was an unbearable eyesore.
5. Garth Brooks, Country Music Singer
|We all know Trisha Yearwood likes 'em a little more chunky.|
The Chris Gaines experiment failed because Chris was a slimmer, want-to-be-sexy Garth. But Garth quickly learned it's the chubby cowboy who makes us wish we had friends in low places. He can bring us "Two Pina Coladas" on the "Beaches of Cheyenne" any day.
6. Dr. Marty Pressman, My Dad the Podiatrist
My girlfriends tell me that my Dad, accompanied by his funny personality, is "sexy." So, to all my girlfriends from high school who tortured me with the endless "your dad is hot for a dad" talk, here you go. Dad made Sexy Chubby. Now, NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN! Thanks.
7. Jared Lorenzen, Quarterback, University of Kentucky
We're told this Sexy Chubby weighed 13 pounds, 3 ounces at birth. Can you believe that? It hurts just thinking about it. This QB in an O-lineman's body has heard all the nicknames: The Pillsbury Throwboy, The Hefty Lefty, 2 M & M's shy of 300. None of them get to him, and they shouldn't. Jared, we love you just the way you are. We'll take Quarterback Jared over Subway Jared any day!
8. Roger Clemens, Pitcher, New York Yankees
And all this time we thought vertical stripes were slenderizing. Admittedly, this Sexy Chubby caused a pretty heated debate in the office. Yes, we know Roger has one of the strictest workout regimens in all of pro sports. But that said, when he's in uniform, he's sexy chubby. Out of uniform, he's just plain sexy!
9. Dave Matthews, Lead Singer, Dave Matthews Band
|You can't be slim when a Ben & Jerry's flavor is named after one of your songs.|
I suppose his motto is "Eat, Drink and Be Merry." The reason this Sexy Chubby made the list is his cherubic face and, of course, the folky voice that leaves us under the table and dreaming. Please, Dave, no "Crash" diets. Stay the way you are! "Celebrate we will, cause life is short but sweet for certain."
10. Tony Soprano, TV Mob Boss
Ok, so crime bosses aren't particularly my type. However, women do swoon for this guy. I straw-polled the room at a bridal shower last weekend while the guests were "oohhing" and "aahhing" over the bride-to-be's new dishes and flatware. Out of 55 women, 50 thought Tony Soprano indeed was a Sexy Chubby. Three said "no way" and two had not a clue who he is. "You don't say." Well, these high numbers don't shock me since my hometown is an Italian diaspora. But I do believe Tony should heed his own advice to one of his friends: "I think it's time you seriously consider salad." However, these women told me to "forgeddabout it, he's all chub and love."
Stacey Pressman is a freelance producer for ESPN and a contributing writer to Page 2. She can be reached at StaceyPressman@aol.com.