Rocker prepares for killer role
Page 2 staff

Just when "Project Greenlight" had us convinced that Hollywood has no idea what it's doing, along came this story that confirmed all our suspicions: Texas Rangers relief pitcher John Rocker will play a slasher-killer in an upcoming movie called "The Greenskeeper."

The film, produced by Atlanta-based Ghost Man on Third Productions, was shot in October at several golf courses in Georgia. Rocker plays a killer dressed as a greenskeeper who uses golf-course tools to dispose of misbehaving teenagers.

Now, Page 2 figures Rocker can go in one of two directions to find his motivation for the role. Either he can follow the lead of Jason Voorhees, the quintessential version of the slasher-killer from the "Friday the 13th" saga. Or he can emulate Bill Murray's "Carl Spackler," the man who defined what a greenskeeper should be in the comedy classic, "Caddyshack."

For the record, here's what Jason, Spackler and Rocker all bring to the table:

Three of a kind
Category  
Carl Spackler
 
Jason Voorhees
 
John Rocker
On-screen occupation   Greenskeeper   Psycho   Psycho greenskeeper
Dresses a little like   Gilligan   Mike Richter   Alex Rodriguez
Story type   Cinderella   Horror   Quotes taken out of context
Well-known quotes   "And I said, Hey Lama, how 'bout a little something, you know, for the effort? And he says, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed you will receive total consciousness So, I got that going for me, which is nice."   He was a man of few words.   "Imagine having to take the (No.) 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you're (riding through) Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing."
Obsessed with   Gophers, various hybrids of bluegrass   Camp counselors, helpless teenagers   How all those foreigners got here
Keep him away from   The upper crust of the country club   Camp Crystal Lake   Shea Stadium
Inflicts damage with   Dynamite   Chainsaw, machete   Mouth, left arm
Never   Leave him alone with the ball washer   Take a shower when he's around   Ask him for a tour of Times Square
Fears   Never making head greenskeeper   Having his mask pulled off   Batteries
Sequels   Wisely turned down "Caddyshack II"   "Jason X" -- yes, they made nine of 'em -- is coming out in April   Currently starring with Carl Everett in "The Odd Couple II"
It's impossible to   Get him to stop checking out the old ladies   Kill him   Keep him away from a heavy-metal concert




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Killer role: Rocker to play maniac in movie





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