If you're not pulling for the fun-'n'-gunning Kings or Mavs to uproot the Lakers in the West, then take on the East's Swamp Dragons in the Finals, well you either have no sense of humor -- or you're the kind of fan who roots for Microsoft.

Regardless of your rooting interests, the NBA playoffs offer a good two months of intensity not seen yet this year, benches shortened to "playoff depth" and probably more than a few game scores with combined point totals below 150.

The point is, before the action heats up, you know what you're really looking for is a few good talking points with which to impress your co-workers, your friends and that hottie you plan on meeting at that party this weekend. Page 2 wants to help, and so we offer our annual Hot 'n' Not List for the NBA playoffs:

What's Hot, What's Not: 2002 NBA playoffs
Category	Hot	Not
TV guy-as-coach	Kenny Smith	Tom Tolbert
Conference	Western	Eastern
"Oh sure, I always liked the ..."	Nets	Raptors
First-round series	Blazers-Lakers	Hornets-Magic
Coach on hot seat	Isiah Thomas	Nate McMillan
NBA's "He Hate Me"	Wally Szczerbiak (Timberwolves)	Kevin Garnett (Timberwolves)
Rookie due for national break-out	Richard Jefferson	Gerald Wallace
Home court	Arco (Kings)	Continental Arena (Nets)
Mr. Clutch	Steve Nash	Chris Webber
Blazers hot-head	Bonzi Wells	Rasheed Wallace
No. 1 fan	Tyra Banks	Tobey Maguire
Off-court rumor	Will MJ return?	Will Drew Gooden go pro?
Player to watch	Tracy McGrady	Antoine Walker
Jersey	Ben Wallace	Jamaal Tinsley
Fire-up-the-crowd music	Tweet	R Kelly
Functional accessory	Two contrasting-color headbands	Calf sleeve
Sleeper	Charlotte	Minnesota
"He's due" coach	Don Nelson	Rick Carlisle
Three-point ace	Jon Barry	Nick Van Exel
X-factor	Raef LaFrentz (Mavericks)	Keith Van Horn (Nets)
Unemployment-line sighting	Tim Floyd	Brian Winters
Designated thug	Kenyon Martin	Rick Fox
Strategy trend	Run at the Lakers	Wacky "Shaq Zone-D"
Impact sub	Bobby Jackson (Kings)	John Amaechi (Jazz)
Payback time	New Jersey over the rest of the East	Blazers over Lakers
Subject to mull over	Drug-investigation- as-distraction	Shaq's retirement
Fun for lottery teams	Listening to Sir Charles	Waiting on pingpong balls

Dan Shanoff is a regular contributor to Page 2.