I walk down the street muttering, "Glory be, the funk's on me." The question is not whether Nike's "Roswell Rayguns" faux-1970s campaign starring a fur-draped Vince Carter is the most clever commercial series of the year; the question is when the company will send me a Rayguns uniform, which would surely displace the Wes Unseld No. 41 Bullets retro as the hottest jersey on the street.

Sticking with commercials, if you haven't seen the Keith Jackson-narrated Gatorade ad featuring grainy classic footage of Steve Spurrier-era Florida football, you're missing the advertising equivalent of ESPN Classic. What does it mean? "Retro" is the watchword for the summer.

So now that you've got the scoop on one thing that's totally passé, take a look at the rest of what's hot and what's not this week. Feel free to share with your co-workers, buddies and significant others -- they will really appreciate you for it:

What's Hot, What's Not this week
Category	Hot	Not
Controversy	Uncloseting athletes	Kobe's food poisoning
Giambi brother in a new uni	Jeremy	Jason
NFL training camp gimmick	Straight-on kickers (Pittsburgh)	Come in without a contract (Patrick Ramsey in DC)
NBA draft intrigue	Clippers at 8, 12 spots	What will Houston do?
Cubs savior	An unscathed Mark Prior	A healthy Kerry Wood
Matt Hasselbeck's nightmare	Ryan Leaf	Trent Dilfer
NBA draft sleeper PG	Florida exile Teddy Dupay	Fresno exile Tito Maddox
Reffing issue	Foul counts	Last-second shots
Early World Cup bandwagon team	Cameroon	Costa Rica
Postgame press conference look	Shaq's white bucket hat	Kobe's white Yankees hat
Brian Billick's cause	Players should dump their agents	Players should mug for HBO cameras
Playoff madness	NHL OT	NBA road teams winning
NFL contract dispute	Rich Gannon	Joe Horn
MLB division	NL West	AL Central
New Orleans NBA franchise nickname	The Jazz (make a trade with Utah)	The Hornets
Football-analyst Cris	Carter	Collinsworth
Mr. Excitement	Bobby Jackson	Keith Van Horn
Brady Anderson statement	Thumb sticking out on highway	Sideburns sticking out from hat
Vikings relocation conventional wisdom	Red McCombs' L.A. envy	Red McCombs' Irsay envy
Movie blockbuster	"Insomnia"	"Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron"
Shady sports-racing industry	Dogs	Horses
Netminder	Arturs Irbe	Curtis Joseph
Voting block	Office-park dads	Soccer moms
NBA's greatest coach ever	Phil Jackson	Red Auerbach
500-HR Club member	Frank Robinson	Mark McGwire
NHL clutch scorers	Unexpected players	Superstars

Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. His "What's Hot, What's Not" trend-spotting list appears Thursdays. Got inside scoop on an up-and-coming trend? Want to declare something passé? Send this glimpse of your hipness to hotnotlist@yahoo.com.